Moon magic

About 10 years ago my teacher asked me if I would represent our yoga studio at a women’s
conference.  My first thought upon hearing this request was “what do I know about being a woman?”.
That was a huge wake up call for me.  I had completely lost my connection to myself. At that time in
my life I was struggling in a very dysfunctional/abusive marriage.   I was working full time, teaching
yoga, trying to raise a family and run a household. The only way I could survive was to shut myself
off from my emotions. I fulfilled all my responsibilities. I worked very hard at maintaining the illusion
that I was strong and capable but on the inside, I was broken into a million little pieces.  I didn’t even
recognize myself.

I’m grateful for the strong solar energy in my nature that gave me the strength I needed to take care
of my family but something was missing.   

As I furthered my study of yoga and Ayurveda I learned the axiom, Like increases like and opposites
cure.  A Vedic astrologer once told me that the sun is the strongest planet in my chart.

In an effort to find balance I asked my Ayurveda teacher, Ed Zadlo, for guidance.  He suggested that
I start chanting the moon mantra:

Om Som Somaya Namaha.

During Ayurveda class I was reminded of the moon salutation that I learned years earlier as a way to
pacify the fiery nature of Pitta.  I decided to do some research. I wanted to learn all I could about the
moon salutation. I was disappointed that I could not find ANY information about the moon salutation
that I had learned from a teacher named, Betheyla Anuradha.

After 20 years of studying yoga I had come to know that direct experience was the best teacher.

So, I embarked on an adventure.  Beginning on a new moon, each night I would flow through
11 rounds of Betheyla’s moon salutation and then chanted 108x the moon mantra.  This “new moon
sadhana” (spiritual practice) continued every night until the following new moon.

Each evening as I flowed through the sequence repeating the mantra mentally with each breath the
moon began to reveal her lessons.  Each evening as I flowed through the sequence with the mantra
repeating itself in my mind I began to find my way back to myself.

At the end of the month long sadhana I decided to lead a new moon sadhana workshop and share
what I learned with others.  Watching the students as they moved through the sequence was so
powerful. I cannot find the words to adequately describe what I witnessed.  The sequence was new
to the students so the first few rounds the students were very much in their head. Their movements
were a little awkward.  BUT…..that moment, when they got out of their head and they began to flow
smoothly through each movement with the flow of their breath was magical!

The feedback from the students after that first class was overwhelming.  Everyone was as moved by
the practice as I was. I knew that I had to offer the new moon sadhana as often as I could.  Many of
the students in that first class have gone on to teach the new moon sadhana in their own yoga
communities.   I feel so blessed to have learned it directly from Betheyla. She was an amazing,
inspiring teacher and it makes me so happy to know that she is still inspiring students through her
beautiful moon salutation.  

Over the past 7 years or so, I have been following the phases of the moon and I continue to celebrate
each new moon with the new moon sadhana.  Some months I practice on my own. Other times I
share the experience with others. Each new moon I write down my intentions for what it is that I
want to grow in my life. I flow through the moon salutation and chant the moon mantra.  

I am eternally grateful to Betheyla for sharing this powerful sequence with me.  It has become a
lifelong sadhana. The teachings that have been revealed to me through the new moon sadhana
have helped me reclaim my feminine nature.  

Each time I lead a new moon sadhana I am in awe of the power of this simple practice.  
Dr. David Frawley says in one of his books that the Sun represents our Striving towards God and the
moon represents God’s  blessings (soma) flowing towards us. The moon salutation gives us an
opportunity to open ourselves up to receive.

So many women have a hard time receiving.  They are more comfortable giving and doing.
The moon salutation reminds us to open ourselves up to receive the blessings from God and in
learning to open we become more receptive to receiving support we all so desperately need.

Dear fear....

Dear Fear,

I'm breaking up with you.  Even though you and I have a LONG history together I can no longer be with you.  I love my kidneys now....

I was about 7 months pregnant with my daughter, Tayler, the first time I had a kidney stone.  That was 20 years ago.  Over the past 20 years I've had several other "episodes" with kidney stones.  This last episode landed me in surgery to remove a stone that was stuck in my bladder.  After the surgery I vowed to eat right and drink enough to avoid another kidney stone.  It was a truly awful experience that I want to put behind me and forget about.

Today I was listening to an astrology report and the astrologer was talking about how our emotions effect our organs.  Fear is related to the kidneys according to the astrologer.   I had heard this before but didn't give it much thought.  I did research kidney stones from an Ayurvedic perspective.  I read about what foods are likely to cause kidney stones but it wasn't until today that I decided to research how emotions effect the kidneys.

A quick google search and I found this "Kidney problems are particularly concerned with issues related to fear with a focus on relationships, such as unexpressed grief or emotional insecurity."
Wow...  The kidneys' job is "discriminate between what is harmful and what is beneficial".
Kidney stones "are like unshed tears that have become solidified."

I'm doing my best to take care of my kidneys with diet and drinking lots of water.  Now it's time to take care of my kidneys by releasing fear.  As most of you know by now, at the end of last summer my marriage came to an end.  Just shy of our 25 wedding anniversary.  This past year has been a year filled with fear, sadness, emotional insecurity and grief.  Although, truth be told, these are emotions that I can trace back to my childhood and I would venture to say maybe even back to previous lifetimes.

Through my practice of yoga and meditation and by the Grace of God, I have had moments of clarity. In these brief moments I can see beyond the momentary situation or experience to what my underlying emotions were.  The google search was right.  At the root of all my relationships with people I loved was fear.  Fear of not being good enough,  Fear that the person I loved would abandon me, fear that if I expressed myself that my loved one would get angry and wouldn't love me anymore.
Unexpressed grief and emotional insecurity are not good foundations upon which to build long lasting relationships.  Dear fear,  I recognize that you are a valuable tool to remind me to proceed with caution but I will no longer stay stuck in fear.   My kidney troubles have taught me a valuable lesson.  The job of a kidney is to discriminate between what is harmful and what is beneficial.  Fear will be my signal to engage my power of discernment.  In each situation and relationship I will assimilate what is beneficial and I will release what is harmful.

Dear Kidneys, thanks for the wake up call.  I am ready to step forward in faith.

Things are not always as they seem.

What does a baby possum, Robin Williams' death, and the Pele report have in common?  Here's another clue... Things are not always as they seem.

The baby possum was injured and dying....Not really, he was playing dead and escaped as soon as the opportunity presented itself.   Robin Williams had it all, money, fame, family, everyone loved him, he was a happy, fun loving guy....Not really,  he clearly was wrestling demons that no one on the outside knew anything about.  Yesterday's Pele report (astrological forecast) confirmed the theme, things are not always as they seem.   There's so much more happening than what we perceive on a physical level.

For some of you maybe this doesn't come as such a shock.  If you've been practicing yoga/meditation even for a short time you have probably gotten a glimpse of the subtle energy that shifts and changes when we practice.    For those you who haven't experienced it for yourself, well, now is the time to pay attention. 

For years I've been aware that at times what I'm seeing and hearing on a physical level does not match what I feel on an internal level.  This has caused me much anxiety and trauma.  I've also identified this as the cause of my self-doubt and also the source of my difficulty with trust.

Things aren't always as they seem.   It's hard to trust the sensory input but trusting our intuition is vital.
Now, more than ever, I feel that it is imperative that we pay attention to our internal world. It's time to shine the light into the deep, dark corners of our hearts, mind and soul.

The great meditation teacher, Eknath Easwaren once used the analogy of a driver who takes great care of his vehicle.  He washes it and waxes it and even has the seat belts embroidered but never looks under the hood to check the oil.   Sure, it's nice to have a beautiful external environment but what good is it if your internal environment is dilapidated from neglect?

I had to stop watching the news and reading the paper. I remember one day standing in the line at the grocery store. I saw an imagine of a mother holding her child who was dying of starvation.  The image affected me so much that nearly 20 years later it still haunts me.  The look of seer helplessness and despair on that mother's face was so powerful and it touch a place within me that felt that same helplessness and despair.  I was standing in line at the grocery store filled with food while a child lie dying of starvation and there was nothing I could do to help. 

The Pele report I watched this morning held the key for me. The message was loud and clear. I need to repair and clean up my internal environment.  In doing so it will have a positive effect on my external environment.  I can't help that starving child in the newspaper. Rather than wallowing in the feelings of helplessness and despair I can work on being more mindful that I don't waste food.  That I only take in what I need. I can share food with others in my community.  On an even deeper level, I can explore where in my life do I feel like I'm starving.  What am I starving for?

There isn't much we can do to stop the wars that are raging on but we can address the internal wars that have been raging for generations. We do  have the capacity to stop the internal wars. When we practice resolving inner conflicts then the conflicts with others won't be so difficult.  Violence and anger cannot be defected with violence and anger.  Have you ever seen a parent slap their child and say "We don't slap our friends!  that's not nice!"  Their actions say one thing while they attempt to convey the opposite message.

Ultimately, what I'm finally beginning to understanding on a deeper level is that everything we experience on an external level is a reflection of our internal environment.  When our inner world is filled with conflict we experience the external physical world also as filled with conflict.  

Things are not always as they seem.  Daily spiritual practice is the tool we need to remove the veils of maya that keep us from seeing the truth.  Turn within and begin the work of repairing and rebuilding your internal environment. Sometimes we need help repairing.  Seek help. In doing so, you are giving someone the opportunity to be of service.  It may seem like they are helping you but you might end up being the one who helps them.  Things are not always as they seem..

Renewal of Self

I posed this question on Facebook last week: "What does feminine power mean to you?" I loved all your comments. Each one was so insightful and thoughtful. I'd like to explore one idea in particular that resonated so deeply with me. A woman's power comes
from her ability to choose collaboration vs competition.

Collaboration is the reason why I felt so passionately about holding the New Moon Gatherings. Collaboration is where the real power lies. Collaboration is the energy I associate with the Goddess, Durga. For those of you who haven't heard my interpretation of the Durga story let me share it with you. (Disclaimer: this is not a scholarly interpretation, simply my amateur attempt)

So the story goes... There was an evil demon that was terrorizing the 3 worlds. All the Gods tried to defeat the demon but they all failed. All the Gods came together for what I imagine to be like a superhero conference to try to come up with a solution to the problem of this evil demon. They meditated together and from this place of deep meditation they decided to each offer up their own individual, unique "superpower" into the fire. Out of this culmination manifested Durga. She was easily able to defeat the demon. The real power came from the collaboration of all the Gods.

If the Gods are willing to collaborate why aren't we?

Imagine the power that could be generated if we all put aside our ego and offered our own individual, unique talents, aka: superpowers into the fire. Together, all of us, working for the greater good. Collaboration is only possible when each person works together towards the same goal. If there is even the slightest bit of competition, collaboration is impossible. Are you willing to put aside your ego for the greater good? If not, what's holding your back?

If you're up for the challenge let's hold our own "superhero conference". Let's join our energy together in sadhana (spiritual practice). There's no doubt that the power of group practice is strong enough to elevate the vibration of this entire planet. The evil demon we are all fighting is the ego. I've been told this is the time for the "Renewal of Self". It's time for us all to come back to the Self. The way back to the Self is through meditation. In the Self we connect to the source of infinite power.

Here's the challenge if you wish to contribute your energy:

The bhavana (intention) Renewal of the Self
The practice: 6 rounds of Surya Namaskar - The Sun burns away all that is not our true self
6 rounds of Chandra Namaskar - The moon washes away the ashes, leaving behind only what is real
Mantra: 108X - Om Namaha Shivaya - Shiva being the God of destruction. Destruction in that it is destroying everything that stands in the way of us seeing what is real. It is a mantra for transformation. Are you ready?

40 day sadhana begins tomorrow. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I hope you will not only join me in sadhana but also that you will collaborate by sharing your thoughts and experience with all of us by leaving a comment.

Hari Om!!

Red Shoes

Om Shum Shukraya Namaha

My teacher once said that when someone reads your astrology chart it's like you're standing in front of them naked.  Since this post will be brief I guess you could consider this just getting flashed!

Anyway.... One of the remedial measures I was given at the time of my vedic astrology reading was to strengthen Venus.  So I was instructed to offer a white flower to a female teacher on Fridays.  Chant mantras to Shukra (Venus).  Beautify my environment by surrounding myself with beautiful things.  I was also instructed to take care of myself.  To do things that help me feel good about myself.

Finally! I thought, I have fun things to do instead of  the usual depressing kapha instructions like giving up all the foods I love, skipping the Sunday afternoon naps and not including savasana after asana practice.

It wasn't until I started doing those things that I realized how out of touch I was.  I am a very practical, straight forward kind of person.  I was more concerned about practicality than beauty.   I'd much rather spend the hour on the meditation cushion than in front of the mirror primping. I didn't see the value of surrounding myself with things that will only end up broken or lost. Or even worse....collecting dust.

It isn't as easy as it sounds, believe it or not.  I've discovered that for some people beautifying their environment and them selves comes very easily.  Take my mother for instance, even the simple act
Of making pizza becomes a work of art with each ingredient placed perfectly to insure it looks beautiful.   She can make any room look beautiful  in minutes even with just the stuff already there. If she sees something she finds beautiful she has to have it.  I'm content admiring it and leaving it at the store.

I've been working at this for nearly a year.  Offering a white flower to a female teacher every Friday and chanting the mantra for Venus has become second nature.  Beautifying my environment by creating my beautiful new yoga space was exciting and I do really enjoy spending time there.

I've spent the last six weeks creating new healthier habits that are helping me feel good about myself.   And Today I did something completely out of character for me.  I bought something so impractical.... Drum roll please......

Red shoes!

What I've discovered about myself during this practice of strengthening Venus is that I'm not comfortable with attention.  I prefer to stay in the back-ground.  Now the question is why?  Why is it that some people LOVE attention and demand attention while others, like me, avoid it at all cost?  

Here comes the flash.....Pay a little attention to the wall flowers  in your life and you'll be amazed at beautifully they bloom!!

Om Shum Shukraya Namaha



It's the dance.....

Ayurvedically speaking, my physical and mental make up is primarily kapha .  (This isn't going to be a lesson on Ayurveda...for that I invite you to visit my teacher's web-site:  www.EdZadlo.com).  My kapha nature makes me very loyal, sometimes to a fault.  It's what's responsible for my "motherly" ways of always wanting to take care of people, sometimes even when they don't want to be taken care of.   Kapha gives me strength, both physically and mentally.  The fact that my constitution is kapha means that I can take a lot of abuse... I'm strong... I can take it.   But sometimes, even kapha falls apart.  

As Ayurveda teachers we are taught to treat vata types like delicate flowers
                                                                    pitta types like a friend
                                                                    kapha types like an enemy

But sometimes, even kapha needs to be treated like a delicate flower and like a friend.  Pay attention to the people in your life who seem to be the strongest because they too need support. 

It seems the more I practice yoga/medication the more sensitive I become to the harshness that surrounds me.  The harsh manner in which people talk to each other.  Sometimes on purpose and other times just from being distracted or thoughtless.   The last few weeks the energy I've been feeling has been very intense.  I feel it in my own consciousness and I've experienced it from other people.  It's harder to deal with when the harshness comes from those people closest to us.  Even the weather this last week has been harsh.  It's been bitter cold and snowy.

This morning I got to the studio early.  While I waited for students to arrive I turned on the heat.  I put on some soft, gentle music, I lit some candles, pausing for a moment to notice the soft glow of the flame.  I bow to Ganesha....who surely knows the struggles of kapha.

I rolled out a mat, connect to the soft, gentle flow of my breath.  With my attention turned inward and my eyes closed, I began to move.  With each exhalation I felt the harshness of the outside world melt away.  With each inhalation I felt the softness of my breath supporting and nurturing me.  It's the beautiful, rhythmic dance between the body and the breath that heals and supports. 

It's not the teachers, it's not the studio, it's not the fancy yoga pants.  It's the dance.  The dance between the body and the breath that heals and supports.  Even kapha types need soft, gentle, loving support sometimes.   The beauty of being a kapha type is that we are natural caregivers.  We sometimes forget to take care ourselves with as much kindness and love that we take care of others.

As teachers of Ayurveda we must remember that underneath the label of kapha is still a person who needs loving support and not just the harsh treatment of an enemy.   Even the strongest kapha has her breaking point.

Jai Ganesha

 (google image)

Patterns

I saw a sign on the way to work the other day that read "May your troubles last only as long as your New Year's resolutions" Seeing this sign was even more hilarious considering what was going on in my mind that morning.


I've become very aware of my mental patterns. I am totally a creature of habit,  once I start something new and do it 3 or 4 times suddenly a new habit is created. This can be a good thing if the new habit is positive. Unfortunately, not all my mental patterns or habits are positive. "It takes 40 days to create a new habit"  is what I've been told. What I want to know is:

How many days does it take to un-do a negative habit???

This past week or so I've witnessed both my negative and positive mental patterns at work. Again I'm wondering why anyone watches realty tv when there's so much interesting stuff going on in our minds to watch.

Here's a glimpse into the "reality" show that was playing in my mind:

I've set the intention that this is the year that I take control of my life (don't laugh! I'm serious). Yes, I know that I am not the general contractor of the universe BUT my Ayurveda studies have taught me that I do have some control over my physical and mental well-being. That's what I intent to get under control. I am learning the tools that will keep me in an optimal state of health both mentally and physically.

New habits are being formed. I am feeling good about my choices and I'm grateful for my addictive nature since it has helped me become addicted to the new, positive changes. I'm grateful that I have just the right amount of pitta nature that motivates me to get things done and accomplish the goals I set out to accomplish.

Changing physical patterns seems a lot easier than changing mental patterns!!

The mental patterns seems more ingrained. The roots are deeper and stronger. This is where the real work needs to happen. Ayurveda teaches that the mind creates the body. In order to change the body, not just the physical body but also our physical experiences, we need to change the mind.

HOLY HELL!! Being a creature of habit is NOT a good thing when it comes to changing the mind. One mental pattern in particular is troubling me this morning.  I have witnessed it come up over and over the last couple of weeks.  I really thought that I had changed this mental pattern but clearly I haven't. 

I recognize that this mental pattern has been holding me back for years but it's roots are so deep.  I suspect that the roots were planted many lifetimes ago.  It may be impossible to trace back the cause but it's clear that it needs to change.  It's the HOW that's troubling me.

What I do know is that if the roots of a plant are not feed and taken care of the plant won't grow.  Perhaps the same principles apply here.  If I don't feed the mental pattern maybe the root will eventual die.

Change your mind......Change your life

What have you learned?

Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that the Mayans have predicated that 12/21/12 would be the end of the world.  Much has been written about this predication. Some begging you to repent as the end draws near.  Some laughing at those gripped with fear.  And of course, there are those who have changed their opinion about the prediction as the end approaches.

We as aspiring yogis know that we have taken this human incarnation to learn certain lessons.  With this in mind I find myself exploring the idea...what if today were the last day of this human experience?  What lessons have I learned?

I've learned to love....even  after my heart was broken.

I've learned to forgive...even when the injury was repeated over and over.

I've learned to walk through my fear...and there were many.

I've learned compassion...for you are me and I am you,  in sorrow and in joy.

I've learned to get back up when I've fallen....Laughing or crying to keep moving forward.

I've learned to see the beauty....even in the darkness.

I've learned to keep my inner light burning....and to be mindful of where my shadow was cast.

I've learned that I have strength that I never knew I had....which I never would have learned had it not been for the troubles.

I've learned to feel grateful....even of the challenges.

I've learned that God's plan for my life was WAY better than my plan....even though it didn't always feel that way at first.  I learned to trust in God.

I've learned that I AM ENOUGH....regardless of what others may say.

I've learned that it's okay to kick people out of your home but not out of your heart.

I've learned that it's okay to feel sad....just not to get stuck in it.

I've learned that I do matter....what I have to offer is important and valuable and to feel comfortable with that.

I've learned that all good things come to an end.....Only to make room for something even better.

Tomorrow the world will end.  It's the end of our old patterns of thinking and being.  It's a time to shift the focus from the individual to the collective.  A time for all of us spiritual seekers to shift our focus from our own individual awakening to what we can do to help the collective awakening.  The individual ego needs to end and our focus must shift to what's best for the greater good of ALL.   In other words....something better.

Hari Om!



New Moon

Ever since I read Shambhavi's book, Yogini, I've been fascinated with the idea of doing special sadhana during specific astrological events.  Today being one of those times.  I'm hosting my first "new moon" gathering this evening.  My intention is to plant the seeds of spiritual community.  I know the power of group practice but my exploration into astrology is minimal.  I've therefore consulted an astrologer, my friend, Christopher Burns.  Here's what he had to say:

"Aum Gam Ganapataye Namaha'

The final new Moon of 2012 takes place at 3:42am in the Eastern time zone.

On December 13, 2012 our Sun and Moon come together in the final degrees of Scorpio in the stars of Jyeshtha. The new Moon represents renewal, it is the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. Scorpio is the feminine internal process of Mars and it is the sign of debilitation for the Moon. Our heart and mind (Moon) seek stability and comfort (Taurus). The depth of Scorpio can be unnerving as it is the space in which we face the unknown. Here in the depths of Scorpio we find our inner strength. This new Moon calls on us to go within and confront our projected fears and see them for what they truly are. We are receiving a tremendous amount of support from Jupiter (Guru) who is retrograde in Taurus. The two planets of communication, Mercury and Venus, also support as they are in Scorpio as well. Saturn and Mars also influence as the Moon was with Saturn in Libra leading up to Scorpio and will join Mars later in the day. Saturn can feel heavy on the mind as he shows us the truth and as we enter into the next lunar phase, Mars will help us to make use of the renewed inner strength that this new Moon signifies. The star Jyeshtha is said to be ruled by Indra, king of the Devas and the lord of thunder. These stars bring the power to rise and conquer, to find courage in battle. Indra rides upon the elephant and is the slayer of the dragon. He provides the final steps in the feminine reflective process of our passions as to ready us to take action on our beliefs and fulfill our dharma."

I've come to realize that creating spiritual community is my dharma.  It's also where I find the support I need to "confront" my fears and take action on things that I feel passionate about... like sadhana...

Om Som Somaya Namaha!