A musician friend once told me that when you're making music the pauses between the notes are just as important as the notes themselves. The importance of pauses has become a recurring theme for me. Typically, my motto is to simply plow through to the next task. It took years for me to realize the value of simply pausing and waiting until the next step becomes clear.
Right now, at this moment, the next task isn't straightforward. I thought that by the time I got to this day I would have a clear path forward. That hasn't happened. All I know for sure is that this weekend I will be teaching my final classes at Yoga on Main.
Truth be told, I thought Yoga on Main was a magical place that would go on forever. I never thought the day would come when Yoga on Main no longer existed. My heart is heavy today. I know that yoga teaches us non-attachment. I know we learned that everything is temporary. I know that it's the teachings that are magical and not the structure that we call "Yoga on Main" still, I'm only human and my heart feels heavy.
There are no words to adequately express the love and gratitude that I feel for all the teachers that I've studied with over the years, to name a few: Ed Zadlo, Shiva Das, Betheyla, Paula Tepedino, Shakti Durgaya, Christopher Burns and so many more. I'm grateful to Jessica Golden for entrusting me to be her sidekick as we did our best to navigate the challenges that came with the running of a yoga studio through a global pandemic, civil unrest and so much more. We could write a book about our adventures. It would surely be a bestseller, filled with drama and comedy!
I can truly say that each person I met at Yoga on Main has had a lasting impact on my life, both teachers and students.
There were challenges too, HOLY HELL were there challenges over the years! I came face to face with some pretty big egos, including my own. Those challenges taught me valuable lessons but the blessings and friendships far outweighed the difficulties.
I can honestly say that I am not the same person I was when I first walked in the doors of Yoga on Main. I could never have imagined the wild ride that I would be on for the last 15 years. I have shared my darkest days and my best days with the YOM community and it's the community that I will miss most of all. I will miss the chai and chats that were the norm after yoga class.
When it became clear that the time had arrived to say goodbye my first thought was that I will plow through and continue to teach yoga on zoom. When we faced a global pandemic I was grateful for zoom. It turned out to be a great way for us to stay connected and to continue to practice together. I was grateful when I thought it would only be for a few months. It was convenient to not have to drive 45 minutes and have to circle the block 28 times to find parking. It wasn't so convenient in so many other ways. Virtual hugs cannot compare to Shiva Das' famous hugs.
Anyway, the time has come. I do not have a clear path in front of me. What I do know for sure is that a pause is required. For the last 7 or 8 years, I have worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time. Working 7 days a week. It was necessary but exhausting. There have been many huge changes in my life as well these last few years. Changes that I haven't fully processed yet.
I feel a great sense of loyalty and responsibility toward the Yoga on Main community which is why the decision to take a pause from teaching weekly yoga classes was so difficult. In order for me to continue offering yoga authentically, from my heart, I need to take time to reflect and contemplate how I want to be of service in the future.
My intention is to take the summer off from teaching. I want to focus more on my personal sadhana, work in my garden, finish editing my memoir, and welcome my newest granddaughter into the world at the end of the summer.
My hope is that by the fall the path forward will become more clear to me. Until then "may the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way on".
Om Namaha Shiva!
