Yoga with Mirella Nicholson

Yoga with Mirella Nicholson

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Love is a verb

Today someone said "Love is a verb. An action word not a noun."  I immediately had a flash back to Catholic elementary school.  Verbs are underlined in red pen and nouns are circled.   If the sentence is:  I love you.  It's obvious the word love would get underlined.  Why have I never given this any thought?   At what point did love become a feeling instead of an action word?

The thought that hijacked my brain today is "What is the action that I take that is love?"   How would you answer that question?  Go ahead and tell me.. I really want to know.   In yoga-land in particular people are always proclaiming their love for each other.  That's the easy part.  Saying I love you is easy.  But what's the action behind the words?

Over the past year there have been multiple occasions when I needed help.  Help with things like home repairs, broken down cars, learning how to use that DAMN weed wacker!  I needed help. I'm not really comfortable asking for help.  I have this belief, I'll admit a stupid one, but a belief that people should be paying attention and should just realize that I need help.  When I realized that wasn't getting me anywhere I swallowed my pride and reached out.  So many people tell me they love me and offer their assistance.  "If I can help you in anyway, call me."  Sadly, I discovered that those were mostly empty words.   I have certainly learned who my friends are and who I can actually count on this past year.

Don't worry.... I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty... The point I'm trying to make is that I have learned how to love through this experience.  I learned  not to  offer my help or love unless I'm prepared to back it up with action.  Something weird happened to me.  One day, after my frustration and mental temper tantrum completely wore me out, I realized that the reason I'm experiencing these things is to teach me valuable lessons.  (yes, I know, I'm a slow learner!) Like when I feel sad that my kids don't have dinner with me I  remember how that feels when my own mom calls and asks me to go have dinner with her.  Even if I'm tired and I'd rather stay in I remember how the feeling and I go.  That's an action of love.

Love is a verb.  The action is to live your life in such a way that everyone around you feels your love. Then, words won't be necessary when our actions transit love.  It's not enough to say  "Love is the best medicine"  Even the best medicine in the world won't cure you if you don't take it.  Love is verb.  There must be an action that makes "love the best medicine".  

Just to be clear... The action of love doesn't have to some grand, dramatic gesture. Some of the most profound actions of love have been things like, a woman I hardly knew saw the severe burn on my hand and offered me some burn cream.  Another woman who volunteered to come to house in the middle of a heat wave to help me sand my front porch.   A friend who showed up my door with her tiller and car filled with tomato plants who worked her ass off to help me plant my garden after my surgery.  Someone's parents who extended a hand to help my daughter with her car.  There were others... but these random acts of kindness are love in action.

I ask you again,... What is the action that you  take that is love?   Love is verb, not a noun.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Dear fear....

Dear Fear,

I'm breaking up with you.  Even though you and I have a LONG history together I can no longer be with you.  I love my kidneys now....

I was about 7 months pregnant with my daughter, Tayler, the first time I had a kidney stone.  That was 20 years ago.  Over the past 20 years I've had several other "episodes" with kidney stones.  This last episode landed me in surgery to remove a stone that was stuck in my bladder.  After the surgery I vowed to eat right and drink enough to avoid another kidney stone.  It was a truly awful experience that I want to put behind me and forget about.

Today I was listening to an astrology report and the astrologer was talking about how our emotions effect our organs.  Fear is related to the kidneys according to the astrologer.   I had heard this before but didn't give it much thought.  I did research kidney stones from an Ayurvedic perspective.  I read about what foods are likely to cause kidney stones but it wasn't until today that I decided to research how emotions effect the kidneys.

A quick google search and I found this "Kidney problems are particularly concerned with issues related to fear with a focus on relationships, such as unexpressed grief or emotional insecurity."
Wow...  The kidneys' job is "discriminate between what is harmful and what is beneficial".
Kidney stones "are like unshed tears that have become solidified."

I'm doing my best to take care of my kidneys with diet and drinking lots of water.  Now it's time to take care of my kidneys by releasing fear.  As most of you know by now, at the end of last summer my marriage came to an end.  Just shy of our 25 wedding anniversary.  This past year has been a year filled with fear, sadness, emotional insecurity and grief.  Although, truth be told, these are emotions that I can trace back to my childhood and I would venture to say maybe even back to previous lifetimes.

Through my practice of yoga and meditation and by the Grace of God, I have had moments of clarity. In these brief moments I can see beyond the momentary situation or experience to what my underlying emotions were.  The google search was right.  At the root of all my relationships with people I loved was fear.  Fear of not being good enough,  Fear that the person I loved would abandon me, fear that if I expressed myself that my loved one would get angry and wouldn't love me anymore.
Unexpressed grief and emotional insecurity are not good foundations upon which to build long lasting relationships.  Dear fear,  I recognize that you are a valuable tool to remind me to proceed with caution but I will no longer stay stuck in fear.   My kidney troubles have taught me a valuable lesson.  The job of a kidney is to discriminate between what is harmful and what is beneficial.  Fear will be my signal to engage my power of discernment.  In each situation and relationship I will assimilate what is beneficial and I will release what is harmful.

Dear Kidneys, thanks for the wake up call.  I am ready to step forward in faith.