I've been super busy the last 6 months so when this inertia began I told myself that it was because I was completely exhausted. That's how I justify it.
Is the inertia the reason for the depression or is the depression the reason for the inertia? Does it even matter which came first? There are so many reasons for which I feel the depression is justified but in reality there are just as many reasons to feel gratitude and joy. Why is it that I tend towards depression rather than joy?
Since my most favorite teacher seems to have abandoned the Tuesday evening class I usually take (just one of the many reasons I justify the depression) and I had already watched 4 episodes of The Big Bang Theory, I decided to do a little yoga research.
The subject of this little research project is myself. I want to use myself as a case study for my advanced teacher training. Maybe if I can better understand myself I can better understand others who have similar issues. I can't be the only person who gets stuck in the quicksand of inertia/depression.
Looking at ourselves from an objective viewpoint is quite a challenge. No one wants to acknowledge the fact that we create our own reality with our thoughts and deeds. It's so much easier to blame others for our misery. I do believe, however, that this objective self-examination is absolutely necessary if there's any hope of us changing the patterns of thought that torment us.
When we look at our behavior from our ego mind we can justify the negative patterns. But when we examine our behavior from our discerning mind without allowing emotions to color what we see we can then get a clearer picture. When we step back from the emotions and let go of our attachment to the justifications then we see what changes are required.
We've all had the experience of seeing a friend or loved one suffering with troubles of their own making. We can see their part in the drama and we can see the solution easily because we are not entangled in the emotions of the situation. It's from this perspective that I set out to "assess" my own pattern towards inertia and depression.
Filling out the assessment form for myself and then putting together recommendations based on the facts was helpful. It helped me to put aside my emotions and my justifications so that I can recognize the patterns which are the root cause of depression.
Once we recognize the pattern, we need to acknowledge the fact that the pattern is of our own making.... That's the good news. Since we created the pattern in the first place we can take the necessary action to change the pattern to a new, more positive pattern. Our life really is in our own hands or should I say thoughts? We create our reality with our intentions.
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny." ~ Upanishads
It is ultimately our choice to follow our thoughts down depression alley or to take the U-turn back to our true nature where we find pure joy.
What is your deep driving desire??