I'm recognizing this same pattern in my own search for the answers to all my questions about life. I keep looking for answers and keep getting frustrated that I'm not finding them (at least not the ones that I wanted). I get annoyed when I feel like I'm getting ignored by my teachers when I ask questions. But today, the light bulb went off. (what can I say? I'm a slow learner) I already have the answers.....but my crazy monkey mind thinks "how could it be that easy?"
As most of you know, I'm in love with the Upanishads. I read from them constantly. Right here, in these beautiful teachings, is the road map to the place where ALL my questions are answered. The road map that leads me to self-realization. I know this so why am I still searching??
"I know I know but sometimes I forget. When I remember then I know."
It's almost comical when I realize that I've been searching and searching for something that has been right there all along. Like when you're going crazy looking everywhere for the keys that are in your hand.
I've had the road map in my hands for years and years. I've been following the road map without even realizing it. I guess I thought I was lost because my ego thought I should be there by now. The road map gives us the route but doesn't tell us how long it'll take to get there. There being a state of yoga.
It all depends on how diligently we follow the route, whether or not we take a few detours and how long it takes for us to get back on the right road again. I've taken several detours into the land of self-doubt. A few onto lazy avenue. I've even gotten stuck in quicksand on depression alley. When I unroll the road map I see that even though I thought I was so far off route that I'd never find the way, that's actually not the case.
All that's required is a right turn back to the meditation cushion. That's where the road to self-realization begins. In the lotus of our hearts where we merge with Brahman is where the road leads.
Don't believe me? Go ahead and try it for yourself.