Saturday night while tucking my baby into bed he told me he wanted to come to yoga with me the next morning. I'm not gonna lie....my heart was singing. The next morning I gave him the option to go with his father or even stay home with his sister. "No, I want to come with you."
We arrive, set up our mats and put on some music. While we wait for students to arrive he shows me how his action figures can do yoga. One is doing downward facing dog and the other tree pose. I'm not gonna lie....I love that he makes his action figures do yoga. (a nice change from the usual shooting each other) I give him the option to take his action figures and go to the back room to play when class starts. "No, I want to do yoga"
He sat attentively while I talked about my bhavana. I'm not gonna lie.... I loved having him there next to me. Watching him move through the practice made me smile. At one point he caught my eye and says "Mom look, I'm doing it" and gave me a thumbs up. I know I'm his mother but he really is the sweetest boy on earth! During Savasana I looked over and he's lying on his mat playing quietly with his action figures. My little yogi boy.
I can't help but wonder what influence yoga will have in his life as he grows up. There is a reason God has entrusted me with this little one to guide. Even though I may never know the impact that my yoga sadhana has on my children, in that moment, I was so happy to share it with Jake.
Afterwards my heart was overflowing with pride and joy. One of the ladies asked him if he liked the class. "It wasn't that much fun" was his reply. Gotta love him.....
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
With great love and respect......
"With great love and respect, I honor my heart, my true teacher"
Have you ever had the experience that what you're experiencing through your senses doesn't match what you're feeling in your gut? That happens to me all the time. It's the reason I have so much self doubt. The other thing that contributes to my self-doubt is that sometimes everyone around me has an opinion that is the polar opposite of mine.
For most of my life I've relied on my senses and the opinion of others to influence how I was feeling and how I would make my decisions. Trusting others more than I trusted my heart. They must know better than me. Maybe I was missing something. That's changed over the last few years.
I'm not sure if it's my meditation practice or if it's just getting older but I no longer feel influenced by other people's opinions. I no longer question my gut feeling. The more I honor and respect the guidance of my own heart the easier it is to trust it. I can honestly say that I'm never sorry when I follow my heart.
I do, however, still struggle when I feel like I'm being "un-yogic" by following me intuition to avoid someone. In yoga-land we are taught to see God in everyone and love everyone. We give everyone the benefit of the doubt. The yoga texts clearly confirm that this is the way we need to live our lives. Yet sometimes my gut tells me that someone is not to be trusted. Do I ignore that for the sake of being "yogic"?
What if the yoga concept of following your intuition conflicts with the yoga concept of loving everyone? What's an aspiring yogi to do? Meditate of course. Turn within and listen. Even though we need to love everyone and see God in everyone that doesn't mean we need to keep company with people that our intuition is telling us to avoid. The reality is that not everyone's intentions are good.
Yes, we can see them as sick instead of evil and yes, we need to recognize that they may be suffering. With great love and respect, I honor those people but I choose not to keep company with them. Does that make me a bad yogi? I don't think so.
Interestingly, I've noticed that I no longer feel the desire to explain or defend myself. This has also helped me to accept the fact that some people simply aren't in touch with their own inner teacher or guide. They continue to be influenced by their senses and the opinions of others. In the same way that I don't want to have to defend my actions I no longer need others to defend theirs.
"With great love and respect, I honor my heart, my true teacher" --- May we all learn to honor our hearts and follow the internal guidance from the Divine.
Have you ever had the experience that what you're experiencing through your senses doesn't match what you're feeling in your gut? That happens to me all the time. It's the reason I have so much self doubt. The other thing that contributes to my self-doubt is that sometimes everyone around me has an opinion that is the polar opposite of mine.
For most of my life I've relied on my senses and the opinion of others to influence how I was feeling and how I would make my decisions. Trusting others more than I trusted my heart. They must know better than me. Maybe I was missing something. That's changed over the last few years.
I'm not sure if it's my meditation practice or if it's just getting older but I no longer feel influenced by other people's opinions. I no longer question my gut feeling. The more I honor and respect the guidance of my own heart the easier it is to trust it. I can honestly say that I'm never sorry when I follow my heart.
I do, however, still struggle when I feel like I'm being "un-yogic" by following me intuition to avoid someone. In yoga-land we are taught to see God in everyone and love everyone. We give everyone the benefit of the doubt. The yoga texts clearly confirm that this is the way we need to live our lives. Yet sometimes my gut tells me that someone is not to be trusted. Do I ignore that for the sake of being "yogic"?
What if the yoga concept of following your intuition conflicts with the yoga concept of loving everyone? What's an aspiring yogi to do? Meditate of course. Turn within and listen. Even though we need to love everyone and see God in everyone that doesn't mean we need to keep company with people that our intuition is telling us to avoid. The reality is that not everyone's intentions are good.
Yes, we can see them as sick instead of evil and yes, we need to recognize that they may be suffering. With great love and respect, I honor those people but I choose not to keep company with them. Does that make me a bad yogi? I don't think so.
Interestingly, I've noticed that I no longer feel the desire to explain or defend myself. This has also helped me to accept the fact that some people simply aren't in touch with their own inner teacher or guide. They continue to be influenced by their senses and the opinions of others. In the same way that I don't want to have to defend my actions I no longer need others to defend theirs.
"With great love and respect, I honor my heart, my true teacher" --- May we all learn to honor our hearts and follow the internal guidance from the Divine.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Blessings from the Divine Mother
I've been hesitating writing a new post because I don't want to be a downer. The posts that have been writing themselves in my head have been anything but positive. One started like this: "I've spent the last 5 years working on opening my heart and throat chakra. Learning how to express my feelings was a complete waste of energy and has become a huge source of distress. Expressing my feelings only makes everyone I love mad at me." I have been feeling beat up by the universe.
Clearly, that's not the beginning of an inspirational blog post. Instead, I've been spending my time on the mat. It's the yoga practice where I find inspiration. Inspiration for writing and inspiration for living. I've been praying to the Divine Mother for support. In her infinite Grace she has blessed me with clarity of mind today.
Through her Grace I have been able to step back from my own emotions long enough to notice that everyone is feeling "beat up by the universe". The hot, humid weather is making everyone irritable and it's making it harder and harder for people to deal with the challenges they are facing.
When I first started learning Ayurveda I was not at all happy about my kapha constitution. Now, Divine Mother's blessing has shown me just how beneficial my kapha nature is. It's my kapha nature that gives me the strength to endure whatever life throws at me. It's what gives me my strong sense of loyalty and devotion so that even though someone I love is harsh towards me I can still love them. It's kapha that makes me strong enough to carry the heavy load for those who are too tired. ( I almost wrote.... BRING IT ON UNIVERSE, I CAN TAKE IT....but then I thought better... even kaphas have their breaking point)
It's through my consistent practice that I am able to stay grounded in the middle of a storm of someone else's emotions. I may be hit with the debris from their storm sometimes but today I'm feeling grateful. Grateful that I can see that it was not intentional but simply residual debris from their inner storm of emotions.
The Divine Mother's blessing has helped to see that it's only through consistent practice that I can get back to my true nature when I find myself lost in my own storm of emotions.
When we find ourselves at a loss, not knowing which way to turn, when life's challenges seem overwhelming, we have to take the U-turn. The U-turn back to the mat, back to our true nature. It's there that we'll find the support and peace that we need. It's there that the Divine Mother resides waiting with open arms and unconditional love.
Through her love and support we find our strength so that we can be that love and support for others who haven't found their own strength yet.
Clearly, that's not the beginning of an inspirational blog post. Instead, I've been spending my time on the mat. It's the yoga practice where I find inspiration. Inspiration for writing and inspiration for living. I've been praying to the Divine Mother for support. In her infinite Grace she has blessed me with clarity of mind today.
Through her Grace I have been able to step back from my own emotions long enough to notice that everyone is feeling "beat up by the universe". The hot, humid weather is making everyone irritable and it's making it harder and harder for people to deal with the challenges they are facing.
When I first started learning Ayurveda I was not at all happy about my kapha constitution. Now, Divine Mother's blessing has shown me just how beneficial my kapha nature is. It's my kapha nature that gives me the strength to endure whatever life throws at me. It's what gives me my strong sense of loyalty and devotion so that even though someone I love is harsh towards me I can still love them. It's kapha that makes me strong enough to carry the heavy load for those who are too tired. ( I almost wrote.... BRING IT ON UNIVERSE, I CAN TAKE IT....but then I thought better... even kaphas have their breaking point)
It's through my consistent practice that I am able to stay grounded in the middle of a storm of someone else's emotions. I may be hit with the debris from their storm sometimes but today I'm feeling grateful. Grateful that I can see that it was not intentional but simply residual debris from their inner storm of emotions.
The Divine Mother's blessing has helped to see that it's only through consistent practice that I can get back to my true nature when I find myself lost in my own storm of emotions.
When we find ourselves at a loss, not knowing which way to turn, when life's challenges seem overwhelming, we have to take the U-turn. The U-turn back to the mat, back to our true nature. It's there that we'll find the support and peace that we need. It's there that the Divine Mother resides waiting with open arms and unconditional love.
Through her love and support we find our strength so that we can be that love and support for others who haven't found their own strength yet.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
What to do if you make a wrong turn
I've been wasting lots of time sitting in front of the tv lately. I know it's a waste of time but I can't help myself. I'm not sure what came first, the inertia or the depression.
I've been super busy the last 6 months so when this inertia began I told myself that it was because I was completely exhausted. That's how I justify it.
Is the inertia the reason for the depression or is the depression the reason for the inertia? Does it even matter which came first? There are so many reasons for which I feel the depression is justified but in reality there are just as many reasons to feel gratitude and joy. Why is it that I tend towards depression rather than joy?
Since my most favorite teacher seems to have abandoned the Tuesday evening class I usually take (just one of the many reasons I justify the depression) and I had already watched 4 episodes of The Big Bang Theory, I decided to do a little yoga research.
The subject of this little research project is myself. I want to use myself as a case study for my advanced teacher training. Maybe if I can better understand myself I can better understand others who have similar issues. I can't be the only person who gets stuck in the quicksand of inertia/depression.
Looking at ourselves from an objective viewpoint is quite a challenge. No one wants to acknowledge the fact that we create our own reality with our thoughts and deeds. It's so much easier to blame others for our misery. I do believe, however, that this objective self-examination is absolutely necessary if there's any hope of us changing the patterns of thought that torment us.
When we look at our behavior from our ego mind we can justify the negative patterns. But when we examine our behavior from our discerning mind without allowing emotions to color what we see we can then get a clearer picture. When we step back from the emotions and let go of our attachment to the justifications then we see what changes are required.
We've all had the experience of seeing a friend or loved one suffering with troubles of their own making. We can see their part in the drama and we can see the solution easily because we are not entangled in the emotions of the situation. It's from this perspective that I set out to "assess" my own pattern towards inertia and depression.
Filling out the assessment form for myself and then putting together recommendations based on the facts was helpful. It helped me to put aside my emotions and my justifications so that I can recognize the patterns which are the root cause of depression.
Once we recognize the pattern, we need to acknowledge the fact that the pattern is of our own making.... That's the good news. Since we created the pattern in the first place we can take the necessary action to change the pattern to a new, more positive pattern. Our life really is in our own hands or should I say thoughts? We create our reality with our intentions.
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny." ~ Upanishads
It is ultimately our choice to follow our thoughts down depression alley or to take the U-turn back to our true nature where we find pure joy.
I've been super busy the last 6 months so when this inertia began I told myself that it was because I was completely exhausted. That's how I justify it.
Is the inertia the reason for the depression or is the depression the reason for the inertia? Does it even matter which came first? There are so many reasons for which I feel the depression is justified but in reality there are just as many reasons to feel gratitude and joy. Why is it that I tend towards depression rather than joy?
Since my most favorite teacher seems to have abandoned the Tuesday evening class I usually take (just one of the many reasons I justify the depression) and I had already watched 4 episodes of The Big Bang Theory, I decided to do a little yoga research.
The subject of this little research project is myself. I want to use myself as a case study for my advanced teacher training. Maybe if I can better understand myself I can better understand others who have similar issues. I can't be the only person who gets stuck in the quicksand of inertia/depression.
Looking at ourselves from an objective viewpoint is quite a challenge. No one wants to acknowledge the fact that we create our own reality with our thoughts and deeds. It's so much easier to blame others for our misery. I do believe, however, that this objective self-examination is absolutely necessary if there's any hope of us changing the patterns of thought that torment us.
When we look at our behavior from our ego mind we can justify the negative patterns. But when we examine our behavior from our discerning mind without allowing emotions to color what we see we can then get a clearer picture. When we step back from the emotions and let go of our attachment to the justifications then we see what changes are required.
We've all had the experience of seeing a friend or loved one suffering with troubles of their own making. We can see their part in the drama and we can see the solution easily because we are not entangled in the emotions of the situation. It's from this perspective that I set out to "assess" my own pattern towards inertia and depression.
Filling out the assessment form for myself and then putting together recommendations based on the facts was helpful. It helped me to put aside my emotions and my justifications so that I can recognize the patterns which are the root cause of depression.
Once we recognize the pattern, we need to acknowledge the fact that the pattern is of our own making.... That's the good news. Since we created the pattern in the first place we can take the necessary action to change the pattern to a new, more positive pattern. Our life really is in our own hands or should I say thoughts? We create our reality with our intentions.
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny." ~ Upanishads
It is ultimately our choice to follow our thoughts down depression alley or to take the U-turn back to our true nature where we find pure joy.
What is your deep driving desire??
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Not my will but thy will be done......
There I was, sitting in the circle at the morning retreat, minding my own business when all of a sudden I get a telegram from God!! That's right.... I direct message! No crazy yoga riddles for me to figure out. No suggestions... A direct order. "Let go of the need to be heard!" "Let go of the need for validation!".
What? Are you kidding me? Hasn't the message all along been about finding my voice? Learning to step into my own power and be more assertive about what I need? But the confusion only lasted a split second. Who am I to question the wisdom of the Divine?
Okay, Lord..... I surrender.....I am letting go of my need to be heard. I am letting go of my need for validation.
As we practiced kapalabhati this morning I was thinking about how much it resembles all of life. kapalabhati focuses on the exhale while the inhale happens naturally. The exhale is forceful while the inhale is passive.
"It is in giving that we receive".... I'm letting go of my need to be heard so that I can naturally be a better listener. I'm letting go of my need to be validated so that I can naturally be more accepting of myself and others.
With clarity of mind I hear the whispers of the Divine. With an open heart I accept the will of Divine. With devotion and dedication to my practice I will follow the path the Divine has lead me to.
Om Namah Shivaya! Om Namah Shivaya! Om Namah Shivaya!
What? Are you kidding me? Hasn't the message all along been about finding my voice? Learning to step into my own power and be more assertive about what I need? But the confusion only lasted a split second. Who am I to question the wisdom of the Divine?
Okay, Lord..... I surrender.....I am letting go of my need to be heard. I am letting go of my need for validation.
As we practiced kapalabhati this morning I was thinking about how much it resembles all of life. kapalabhati focuses on the exhale while the inhale happens naturally. The exhale is forceful while the inhale is passive.
"It is in giving that we receive".... I'm letting go of my need to be heard so that I can naturally be a better listener. I'm letting go of my need to be validated so that I can naturally be more accepting of myself and others.
With clarity of mind I hear the whispers of the Divine. With an open heart I accept the will of Divine. With devotion and dedication to my practice I will follow the path the Divine has lead me to.
Om Namah Shivaya! Om Namah Shivaya! Om Namah Shivaya!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Observations from an open heart....
Yesterday was all about inspiration. Today.....observation, without judgements.....simply observations.
After each round of kapalabhati, rapid, diaphragmatic breathing, we generally retain the inhale but today we were emphasizing the exhale in an effort to pacify pitta so we were instructed to retain the exhale.
Observation #1: I am really comfortable with retaining the inhale. I can hold me breath until the cows come home but ask me to hold the exhale and panic sets in. Is it because I have more practice with retention of the in breath or is it my resistance to letting go?
Observation #2: The theme today was the heart chakra so we did a lot of back-bends. I love, love, love back-bends. I like the energizing effect. I like that they make me feel powerful and strong. When we counter posed with forward folds I was again, experiencing resistance to letting go.
Observation #3: Meditation is effortless after a great yoga practice. Soaking in the incredibly powerful vibrations in yoga-land and spending some time outside afterwards soaking in the powerful vibrations of the sun equals a happy yogini. I acknowledge that there is work to do.....learning to be more comfortable with the idea of letting go but feeling confident.
Remembering yesterday's inspiration...... The light has been shined into the darkness.... I see the resistance.
I have cultivated the strength and internal power needed to change the old patterns. I will use the inspiration to create new patterns. Starting with letting go of patterns that no longer serve my higher purpose.
Om Namah Shivaya!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
What I did on my summer vacation.......
I'm on vacation from work this week. So why the heck am I getting up at 4am you might ask. Well, because it's a yoga vacation. That's right, some people spend their vacation in Disney-land and I spend it in
yoga-land. I don't think there's anything else in the world that would get my kapha-butt out of bed before the crack of dawn except Shiva Das' morning retreat week. The morning retreat week always inspires me.
It's only the second day of the retreat and I'm already inspired.....
The second day focuses on the Manipura chakra, our power center. We worked on stoking our inner fire, connecting with our power. I love this day of the retreat. It leaves me feeling empowered. Because we are at the beginning of pitta season (summer) and to honor the full moon that greeted us this morning, SD balanced the solar energy of the manipura chakra postures with some cooling lunar postures.
It was this beautiful balance of the solar, masculine energy and the lunar, feminine energy that reminded me of the Venus transit that's happening in a few hours.
Times....they are a changing......
Have you guys been reading about this astrological event called "Venus transit" that's happening today? ( I don't know a thing about astrology so I included a link.) Last night was also a full moon. The beautiful full moon was lighting the way to yoga-land for me this morning. I also received an email from someone about a new film coming out about this transition into feminine solar power.
As we were flowing through the yoga practice this morning feeling my internal power center revving up I started to wonder what I was going to do with all the energy that I was building. It's the same thing I wonder when I do a Gayatri mantra sadhana. I certainly feel the power from the practice but how I use it constructively is what I need to figure out.
By the light of the moon......
It was during the cooling moon poses that I realized that I need to use all this solar energy that I've got to cultivate a stronger connection to the feminine, lunar energy. Venus is about art and beauty and love. These are the qualities that I want to cultivate. The lunar, feminine energy is our creative potential.
What kind of life do I want to create for myself? With clarity of mind I have planted the seeds with my intentions. Now all I need to do is nurture them and feed them until they bloom beautifully.
What do I find beautiful? Leading a group of women through moon salutation and witnessing the synchronicity of their movements feeling them move as one....I see beauty. The beauty of oneness.
Where are we going on tomorrow's adventure? The heart center.... Where love is....
yoga-land. I don't think there's anything else in the world that would get my kapha-butt out of bed before the crack of dawn except Shiva Das' morning retreat week. The morning retreat week always inspires me.
It's only the second day of the retreat and I'm already inspired.....
The second day focuses on the Manipura chakra, our power center. We worked on stoking our inner fire, connecting with our power. I love this day of the retreat. It leaves me feeling empowered. Because we are at the beginning of pitta season (summer) and to honor the full moon that greeted us this morning, SD balanced the solar energy of the manipura chakra postures with some cooling lunar postures.
It was this beautiful balance of the solar, masculine energy and the lunar, feminine energy that reminded me of the Venus transit that's happening in a few hours.
Times....they are a changing......
Have you guys been reading about this astrological event called "Venus transit" that's happening today? ( I don't know a thing about astrology so I included a link.) Last night was also a full moon. The beautiful full moon was lighting the way to yoga-land for me this morning. I also received an email from someone about a new film coming out about this transition into feminine solar power.
As we were flowing through the yoga practice this morning feeling my internal power center revving up I started to wonder what I was going to do with all the energy that I was building. It's the same thing I wonder when I do a Gayatri mantra sadhana. I certainly feel the power from the practice but how I use it constructively is what I need to figure out.
By the light of the moon......
It was during the cooling moon poses that I realized that I need to use all this solar energy that I've got to cultivate a stronger connection to the feminine, lunar energy. Venus is about art and beauty and love. These are the qualities that I want to cultivate. The lunar, feminine energy is our creative potential.
What kind of life do I want to create for myself? With clarity of mind I have planted the seeds with my intentions. Now all I need to do is nurture them and feed them until they bloom beautifully.
What do I find beautiful? Leading a group of women through moon salutation and witnessing the synchronicity of their movements feeling them move as one....I see beauty. The beauty of oneness.
Where are we going on tomorrow's adventure? The heart center.... Where love is....
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