Lost with no direction

I'm not a fan of places where big crowds of people gather... aka: state fairs, amusement parks, etc.
Kids, on the other hand, love chaos.  Naturally, state fairs, amusement parks, (the dreaded) Chuck e. Cheeses are inevitable when you have kids.   As soon as we'd arrive at one of these places I'd feel myself starting to panic.  OMG!  What if the kids get lost.  What if someone steals them.  What if one of the tigers gets loose and eats them.  As my lovely daughter pointed out recently.... I'm paranoid.

I've been practicing Svadhyaya -- Self-study.  What I've been most challenged with lately is my attachment to people and my desire to control.   They seem to go hand in hand for me.  

The love I have for my kids is so great that I would die for them without a moment's hesitation.  I am without a doubt attached to them.  Show me a mother that isn't.   My control freak nature plays out in my wanting to control their lives in an effort to keep them safe.   You see, I'm attached. 

Okay.... fine.... they want to go to one of these horrible places where lots of things are out of my control.
I quickly formulate a plan.  You see, having a plan gives me the illusion of some control.  I tell my kids "if you get lost, don't wander around.  Stay in one place and I'll find you." 

I learned very early on in my role as mom that children never follow the script that I've written in my head. 
(That doesn't stop me from mentally trying to control the universe.) With so much to look at in the park how could a little kid resist the urge to wander around and see the sights?  Children are driven by their senses.

God tells us...."when you get lost, stay in one place and I'll find you" translation:  be still, meditate, and in the stillness we find God.  But with so many desires that pull us in so many directions how can we resist the urge?  We are driven by our senses. 

We have the illusion of control but ultimately it is just an illusion.  We become attached to the people in our lives... my children, my wife, my husband, my parents.  This too is an illusion.  These people who we love more than life itself do not belong to us.  They were placed in our lives for a reason.  When their work in our lives is done, when we have learned what they were meant to teach us, they move on.   

From our limited human perspective we suffer when things and people aren't the way we want them to be.
The only way out of the suffering is to remember God.  Remember that the script of our lives has been written by God and every details was perfectly planned. 

In the midst of the chaos and confusion that is our lives, God tells us "if you get lost, stay in one place and I'll find you".    Will you listen or will you be distracted by your desires?


  1. I think control is related to fear of the unknown, and of course, we can't control that, but we think we can. I think that is one of the hardest parts of my job: that unknown element that I can't control. It is also part of psychological trauma: something out of our control ends up controling us, so we try to control our everyday existence so it doesn't happen again.

    Thanks for letting me ramble. Be well, my friend.


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