"Oh God! I would rather the world be coming to an end right now than to have to go to work."
That's how I started my day yesterday. I wish I could tell you that the feeling didn't last but it sort of did.
Now, don't get me wrong I am grateful to have a job. I recognize that I am very fortunate to have a job that offers me decent pay for respectable work. I get that. However, it's getting harder and harder to show up every day to sit behind a desk and push papers for 8 hours.
"Holy Crap! I hope the Universe didn't hear that!"
That was the next thought. I have experienced the amazing phenomenon of the Universe providing exactly what you asked for. Well.....Not EXACTLY what you wish for.
Perhaps Monday was made more challenging by the fact that I had the privilege of spending the week-end teaching a new group of yoga teacher trainees. Sharing my passion for yoga makes me feel alive. It's what feeds my soul. It's where I feel most connected to my purpose. Sharing my passion for yoga not just in the scope of teaching a class but in my day to day life. That's what I want to spend my time doing.
So imagine my dismay when I begin to question if everything I've learned about yoga is actually just a farce.
The imagine of a beautiful fluffy cupcake comes to mind. I've been experiencing this feeling that what I've been served was a huge cupcake with fluffy icing. Only to find that when I bite into it it's only the sweet fluffy icing and no cupcake.
Yes, Yes.... I know we should have no expectations. Unfortunately, in yoga-land having no expectations is so important because that's what yogis hide behind. They tell you to practice acceptance and have no expectations so that when their behavior is less than ideal they can hide behind those masks so they don't have to take responsibility for their actions (or lack of action).
The sweet, delicious icing on the cupcake is lovely. There's no doubt about it. However there needs to be some substance to it. There has be something under it to hold it up. There needs to be a foundation. Without it the fluffy icing will melt into a sticky pile of goo.
I accept the fact that I cannot change other people's behavior. I accept the fact that some people are content with licking the sweet icing and leaving the rest. I accept the fact that some yogis prefer to hide behind masks. Far be it from me to destroy their delusions. I no longer expect that all "yogis" are interested in living yoga.
Licking the icing isn't enough for me. I want the whole cupcake!
Since I have been given the privilege of teaching yoga, I feel it's my responsibility to build the foundation. The foundation of living yoga is abiding by the principles of the yamas and niyamas. I intend to do my best to live by the principles. (here's where the Universe will provide me with an opportunity to practice)
To get to the cupcake we have to peel away the paper covering it first. It's the same with living yoga. We need to peel away the mask that is covering our Divine nature. That peeling away is the practice of self-inquiry. Recognizing when we are hiding behind yoga babble so that we don't have to take action.
Today's yoga lesson: Shifting my perspective.....sitting behind a desk for 8 hours gives me an opportunity to practice concentration, 3-part yogic breath, patience and tolerance. Seems my day job is giving me an opportunity to practice what I preach. Living yoga in my day to day life includes living yoga while pushing papers.