During the couple of years since I completed the training I have continued to read about and study the relationship between yoga and Ayurveda. I have tried to incorporate what I've learned in my daily life. Both in how I care for myself and in how I offer the yoga classes that I teach. It's been a fascinating experiment. What I'm looking forward to most is diving a bit deeper into the material now that I have a little bit of direct experience.
When I had my first child, I was nervous and unsure of myself. I worried constantly about everything. With my second, I was a little less nervous and worried a little less. When Jake came along I was a bit older, bit more confident. I had learned meditation by then so when the worry started I knew how to help stop the obsessive thoughts - at least for a little while. The more comfortable I beame in my role as mom the more I enjoyed the process.
When I completed the 200 hour yoga teacher training I had the same thoughts I had when the nurse handed me my first born. "Is this lady crazy? what the heck do I know about taking care of a baby?!" At the end of the training my thought was "Is this guy crazy? what the heck do I know about leading a yoga class?!" Since then I have made mistakes, I've stumbled and continue to do so on occassion. The difference, as with raising my kids, is that I now feel a bit more confident, a little less nervous. I've learned a lot about myself and about the process of yoga. I have learned to rely on my yoga practice when the obsessive thoughts begin. I've learned to view each new challenge as an opportunity to learn something. The more comfortable I become in my role as a yoga student/teacher the more I'm enjoying the process.
Perhaps the most important thing I've learned over the last few years is recognizing my natural tendency to have unrealistic expectations. This has proven, time and time again, to be my down fall. This morning as I sat in front of my alter I made a conscious decision to approach the training without any expectations.
Since it is my natural tendency, my mind automatically goes there but I'm choosing to "shelf" those thoughts temporarily.
I do believe that the Divine knows what's best for me. I trust that I will learn and experience exactly what I'm meant to learn and experience. All I have to do is open up for Grace to flow. I'm thinking about the story I read once: A student was bugging the teacher for knowledge. The teacher asks the student to pour some tea into his cup and not to stop until he says so. The cup quickly over flows. The teacher tells his student "you are like this cup, whatever knowledge I give you will spill over unless you learn to empty your cup."
For me, letting go of my expectations is emptying my cup. Even when my crazy pitta mind is telling me that my expectations are perfectly reasonable. When I'm freaking out about the fact that things are not what I expected, there's no room for me to appreciate things for what they are. Believe it or not, sometimes they turn out better - different AND better. Who would have thought?! Maybe the more comfortable I become with letting go of my expectations the more I'll enjoy the process.
Here's a great quote my friend Dana shared:
"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose
one thought over another" ~ William James
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