There I am, sitting next to Sri Yukteswar, Yogananda's guru. "I heard you calling me in my mind!!" I tell him. He's holding my hands and looking me right in my eyes. What does this great saint say to me??
"Finally!! I've been sending you subtle messages and you haven't been listening!!". No.... I wasn't hallucinating. This really happened..... in a dream. Now, all I have to do is figure out what the heck is the message.
I guess it was about a month ago, maybe a little longer, I was googling "Sanskrit word for faith". What I got was one of the rare photos of Sri Yukteswar. I tried to google it since then to get the photo but it never came up again. Weird right?
Around the same time, a kid from my neighborhood was sitting at my dinning room table asking me to teach him how to open his chakras. Again, weird right? How many 14year old boys do you know who even know what the chakras are let alone, asking their friend's mom how to open them. I was busy so I gave him a book and sent him on his way. He hasn't mentioned it again.
For the past week or so I've been feeling so scattered, and frazzled. I can't sleep, can't concentrate. Can't seem to get my act together at all. I've sat down to write a blog about 100 times but the thoughts and words are just jumbled up and I can't seem to express what's in my heart and mind in a clear way. Not just on the blog but in my daily interactions with people. I find my throat tighten and the lump is back. But I still wasn't getting it.
The bhavana for yesterday morning's yoga class was suppose to be about grounding since I've been feeling so totally ungrounded. But there was a request. One of the lovely ladies in the class shared a story about a friend who lost his life rescuing people from the burning tower during the attacks of 9/11. Her request was that we work on the throat chakra. She said she wanted to honor his courage. I'm not sure how I did but I offered what came to me. Weird.... I hadn't really associate the throat chakra, Vishuddhi, with courage before. I suppose it does take courage to express yourself. I haven't been able to find my courage lately.
Last night, I subbed a yoga class. One of the students, after class, asked me for some suggestions to work on the throat chakra. I offered her a few poses, suggested chanting, and journaling. Using journaling as a way to help her find her voice, so to speak. But I still wasn't getting it.
Walking back to my car after class I notice the full moon. It was so bright and beautiful. "Oh, that explains a lot" I think to myself. The full moon and PMS, known as the "moon cycle" in yoga-land, means my emotions are out of control. That explains the sleepless nights, the crazy dreams, the trouble meditating. I figured it all out......... Not quite.
This morning, as I was coming out of meditation I got it! I finally got it. Vishuddha! That's where the work needs to be done. I need to clear this blockage in my throat chakra! I thought I had already worked this out. I guess a yogi's work is never done.
Sri Yukteswar, sir? Is that the message I've been missing?