If worrying was an Olympic sport I'd be a gold medal winner for sure. I've spent the last two weeks worrying about my daughter. I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't prepared for anything to be wrong. Is anyone ever prepared for challenges? My mind has been spinning out of control for the last two weeks. Completely consumed with worry. What can I do? "Just pray" is the standard advice when no one knows what to do.
I'm no stranger to worrying. I've been practicing my entire life it seems. I'm also no stranger to praying. I've been practicing my entire life. "God, please......" begins each of my prayers followed by my "prayer" or should I say wish or request.
While consumed by my own worry I wasn't prepared for the text I received from a friend. Her daughter is in serious trouble. I wasn't expecting anything to be wrong.... I wasn't prepared....Is anyone ever prepared for challenges? Was my friend prepared? So the worry expands....I'm worried about my friend. Worried about her daughter. Thinking of my friend having to face a mother's worst nightmare is heart wrenching.
What can I do? "Just pray"
As I sit in front of my alter I pray "God, please...." But how can I presume to know what is best? As parents we feel responsible for our children. We would die for them. We would sell our soul to the devil for them. Of course we know what is best for them. Don't we? It hit me tonight that our children have their own dharma (life's purpose). They have their own karma to work out in this lifetime. How can I presume to know what those are for my daughter or my friend's daughter?
How can I presume that the outcome I want is the outcome that is best for our daughters? I can't. What can I do? "Just pray". What is my request? What is my wish?
As I sit in front of my alter tonight I pray. I pray that the Divine Mother holds our daughters in her arms.
I pray that she comfort us and help us to accept whatever the outcome. I pray that the Divine Mother helps us to trust. I pray that we can rest in her arms content in the knowing that everything will turn out exactly as it should.
As I read these words I am gripped by fear....what if things don't turn out the way we want them to? I know in yoga-land we're told that everything happens for a reason and that everything is perfect and we need to trust. BUT THESE ARE OUR BABIES! It's easy to believe these lofty ideals while sitting on your mat in yoga class. It's much harder to believe and trust in these ideas when the challenges hit so close to home.
I have a hard enough time practicing contentment on a good day. Throw me a curve ball and it's exceptionally hard to keep my balance. "Just pray"....
God, please help us to trust and accept your will. I cannot presume to know what is best for our daughters. I trust that you, Divine Mother, know what your daughters need. DurgaMa.... Protect us all from our fears and doubts.