I find myself back in the bottom of this black hole wondering what the hell happened.
Sometimes I sit on my meditation cushion and I feel peaceful and content and other times meditation leaves me feeling sad and agitated and well - dis-content. What's different? The practice is the same - the effect is different. Why?
I feel myself getting sucked into this mental drama. Feeling myself chewing this "mental chewing gum" and I don't want to go there. It doesn't really matter anyway, right? I just have to keep getting myself to the meditation cushion.
Some days the stress of my life makes me turn to my sadhana - other days the stress makes me daydream about cupcakes and cosmopolitans. The stress is the same - the effect different. Why?
It all comes down to one thing - choice. Each and every moment we have a choice. Do we choose meditation or cosmos? Do we choose yoga or cupcakes? Do we choose to love what is or do we try to force things to be anything other than what is? It is a choice.
Some days - the cupcake wins - other days meditation wins - it doesn't really matter anyway, right. I just have to keep getting myself to the meditation cushion. Every moment is a choice. Do we want to go back to our old patterns of thinking or do we want to flow with the grace of the Divine. It's our choice.
I keep reminding myself that I am only human. As a human being I am subject to the vacillations of my mind and my emotions. Yoga is about stilling the flucuations of the mind. That's the target we're aiming for but it's not always easy. We are human.
I can't possible be the only yogi who's fallen off the enlightenment wagon so please feel free to share your story or offer a suggestion to help a fellow yogi make the right choice in the next moment.
Tonight, I made the choice to get myself to yoga class. I made the choice to breath deeply, enjoy the company of like minded individuals. It's a start. Tomorrow morning I will do my sadhana just like I do most mornings. Even when we find ourselves back at the starting line the way to the target is still walking the path through daily sadhana.
One minute I find myself at the bottom of a big black hole and the next minute.... Wham! I'm back riding the wave of bliss. Funny how life works. You never know what's going to happen from one minute to the next. The moral of the story? Don't get attached to anything - good or bad as it's all temporary.
Om Hrim Shrim Dum Durgayai Namaha! Om Hrim Shrim Dum Durgayai Namaha!
Om Hrim Shrim Dum Durgayai Namaha! .............