I've been spending a lot of time watching myself think while pretending to meditate. The re-run that's been playing is a pity party for me. However this morning I noticed an interesting pattern. The thoughts were something like this……
“I’m such a fool to have trusted so and so…” “I’m so stupid for not paying closer attention to what was going on.” “How could I have been so stupid not to see” On and on the story went. Recounting every thing that every person I ever knew did to hurt me. “I feel bad for confronting so and so about the lies” “I feel bad that I stood up for myself because it made so and so upset.”
Do you see it? Do you see the pattern? “I”, “I”, “I”….. It’s all about me. Talk about ego! The veil has lifted… I make everything about ME. I feel responsible for other people’s behavior…. Seriously??!! As if I don’t have enough trouble keeping track of my own behavior.
Why does trusting someone make ME feel like a fool when that person lies? Why do I
feel bad about what someone else did? Why do I make it about ME?
Enough!! I cannot worry about the consequences of someone else’s choices.
The pattern has been discovered. It’s time to re-direct the energy and focus to something more constructive. Clearly, a seated meditation alone doesn’t seem to be enough right now. It’s time for intense sadhana (spiritual practice).
The thought pattern has been harsh, critical, and judgmental. Keeping in mind the axiom, like increases like and opposite cures, means that what’s required is some gentleness, contentment, peace of mind, and surrender.
Here’s the plan in case you’d like to join me: 30 day Moon sadhana begins tonight. 11 rounds of Chandra Namaskar, chanting 108X the mantra: Om Som Somaya Namaha, and hopefully meditation will happen (for real).
The intention: Letting go of resentment, anger and feeling responsibility for other
people’s actions. Remembering; that we are only responsibility for our own integrity.
What’s the saying? “Let go and let God” Let God deal with the karma of others and focus on not creating negative karma for ourselves.