This post may fall under the title of T.M.I. (too much information) but I feel compelled to share it. An astrologer friend once told me that I should say the things that I feel compelled to say but be prepared that some people won't like it. I'll apologize now to the people who may be offended by this post.
To those of you who are hyper sensitive - perhaps you would do best to stop reading now.
I was inspired to write on this topic of abandonment after reading a friend's facebook status. In her status she asked the question how could a father simply walk away from their child after 38 years. It's a good question. My father also walked away from his family when I was about 9 years old. Looking back now as an adult I can recognize that his alcoholism was the disease that took my father away but as a child you don't understand that. As a child all you know is that one day your dad walks out the door and everything changes. Perhaps it's a bit easier for me to accept it because my father was an alcoholic. For others, it's not that simply.
I'm not an expert. I'm someone who struggles with abandonment issues. I speak solely from my own person experience. I remember talking to my teacher once about my childhood and telling him that I wasn't really effected by my father's drinking because I was only 9yrs old when he left. I actually believed that at the time. It wasn't until I began a serious practice of self-inquiry that I realized that my father's leaving has effected everything about my life. This post is not about blaming our parents for all our problems. Our parents carry with them their own childhood baggage into their role as parents.
In Ayurveda we learn that to correct a problem we need to remove the cause. That's what this is all about......uncovering the cause and removing it. The removing part is the key.
Back to the topic of abandonment. I do believe that my father's absence in my life did create a void. How could it not? When there's a void there is the impulse to try to fill it. What we fill it with is alcohol, drugs, food. Sometimes we look for other people to fill that void. We find ourselves clinging to unhealthy relationships with substances or people in the hope that it will fill the void. Only these things are temporary. Soon the empty feeling is back and the destructive cycle continues.
The feeling of being abandoned has become a recurring theme in my life. This, I believe is the root cause of my issues with cupcakes and cosmopolitans. People that I love and care about seems to disappear from my life. Sometimes physically disappear....other times emotionally disappear. Either way the pain is still the same.
When I read my friend's status on facebook I felt compelled to say to her...."Your father's walking out on you had nothing to do with you. He is struggling with his own issues. Some things just can't be figure out. It doesn't really matter why. Knowing why or how doesn't change the emotions that you're feeling. It won't hurt less to know there's a reason. Acknowledge how you're feeling and then let it go."
We cannot control other people's behavior. All we can do is not allow their behavior to define who we are. Ultimately, the practice of yoga brings us back to our true nature. In the stillness of meditation we connect back to the source where we are whole. It's time for all of us to let go of the past and move forward on our journey to spiritual evolution. We don't need to carry our childhood baggage any longer. We can let it go now.