I recently had a very profound epiphany. If I was a cartoon there would be a light bulb over my head that suddenly lit up!! It was so profound that I don't know if I'll be able to find words to fully articulate it.
I'm not sure I should even try but here it goes.....
Several weeks ago I decided to take a stand. I put in place some boundaries. No sooner had I set the boundaries in place they begin to be challenged. Thank you God for the opportunity to practice patience.
Over and over my cage was being rattled. I have the imagine of Ma Durga in my mind. I have a strong affinity for Durga. She's the great protector. I stand, protecting my boundary.
The challenges keep coming. I start to wonder...."am I doing the right thing?" Thank you God for the opportunity to practice trusting my intuition. My intuition tells me that without strong boundaries I get pulled in the wrong direction. I see that now. I see how easily I expend energy trying to control other people. Wishing and wanting to convince them that things should be this way or that way. Feeling anger and disappointment when things don't go my way. In the words of my dear friend, Judy, "I am not the general contractor of the Universe". I quit! How freeing is that? I can put down the clip board. God has everything under control.
It's empowering to stand up for myself. Can you imagine that it took 41 years to do that? Guess what? The sky didn't fall!! How do you like that?! Thank you God for the opportunity to practice standing up for myself in a loving, compassionate way. There is this great misconception that when we stand up for ourselves and protect ourselves from negative energy that it makes us bad people. On the contrary! It actually is about having compassion and love for yourselves. There is an element of self preservation when we don't allow our energy to be dissipated by engaging in negative drama.
In a flash the anger at someone's words has us seeing red. We feel the pressure in our head. We want to tell them they are wrong! We want to give them a piece of our mind. Retaliation becomes all we can think about. Holy Hell! In an instant our blood pressure is through the roof. Our heart is racing and our breath is shallow and rapid. We are physically harming ourselves. Our body reacts as if we are fighting for our lives!!
I am not the general contractor of the universe. I AM however, the general contractor of my own life. I can choose how I react. I can choose how and where I put my energy. Thank you God for the opportunity to practice taking control of my own life.
Oh.. yeah... the epiphany....With each challenge I faced over the past few weeks I was able to step back from my emotional reaction. From the space of witness I "saw" how much energy I waste complaining about how other people behave. How much energy I waste, trying to convince other people to think the way I think. How much energy I waste wishing things were different than what they are. I can put down the clip board. I quit! I am no longer the fairness police... That's SD's job.
Thank you God, for the challenges by which the light bulb was turned on.
Om Namaha Shivaya!