I'm completely amazed at how the universe provides us with exactly what we need all the time and yet we still keep looking.
My last post was my lament about the absence of a spiritual community. Last week I was fortunate enough to spend each morning in the most supportive, nurturing community - Shiva Das' morning yoga retreat. The support is there - We need only to open to it. When we get lost in our own thoughts we don't see what's right in front of us.
Last week I reached out to a yoga teacher and invited her to come to my home to offer one of her workshops. I was so happy that she agreed. Just a couple of days later I see her at a kirtan. I introduce her to a friend. This friend was telling me earlier that day that she was looking for a children's yoga teacher training program. Wouldn't you know, the yoga teacher I introduced her to offers that training.
I have been chatting with another student in SD's Tuesday evening class for months. I had no idea that she founded a program for children's yoga! Another connection is made. Really? No spiritual community? What the heck was I thinking? Of course there is. I just wasn't seeing what is right in front of me.
For the last 10 days or so I have been feeling like I'm on fire from the inside out. I know the weather has been warm and humid but the internal heat is turned up to high. I think I'm too young for hot flashes but that's what I'm feeling. I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust! Yesterday morning I did my Gayatri mantra sadhana and the glass votive holder on my alter exploded! So weird. What the heck was that about? Was that the Universe shouting -- "Pay Attention!"?
The support that I need is always there for me. Why don't I recognize it? The connection is always there but I'm not hearing the whispers. Why? I've been so self absorbed in my own thoughts and in the drama of my life that I haven't paid enough attention to those around me. That's the first thing. The other reason? I don't trust enough. Instead of noticing what's right in front of me I'm daydreaming about what I think the spiritual community should look like.
In my daydream the spiritual community is supporting me and taking care of me. But, the whispers from the Divine are telling me that it's my duty to support others. It's my duty to be a guide for others. I'm hearing my friend, Jon's words "It ain't all about you, hon". That's right. It ain't all about me.
The first time I received darshan from Amma I had the realization that it wasn't for me, that darshan, it was for my husband. I had this overwhelming feeling that I had fulfilled my obligation by bringing him to her. I also felt that way when I brought my daughter, after a bad car accident, to the Miraculous Medal Shrine. As I knelt there in front of the statue of the Blessed Mother I again had that overwhelming feeling that I had fulfilled my obligation. I had brought my daughter to the feet of the Blessed Mother.
I know that this is my dharma - I am to be the support for other. I am to guide others to the Divine. In turn, the Divine will support me and the spiritual community that I'm longing for will be there when I need the support. It's so clear. In the words of my dear teacher, "I know I know but sometimes I forget. When I remember, then I know". Today I know - What I'm searching for is right there - in the lotus of my heart.