I'd love to say that the many years of practice have helped me to become more flexible mentally and physically but in all good conscience I can't say that. What it has done is show me just how rigid I
can be mentally and it has helped me "step forward in faith" rather than staying stuck in fear.
Whenever I sub my teacher's class I always have a moment where the thought crosses my mind. "Oh God these people came here expecting SD and got me!" I have a flashback to the times I showed up for class only to find a sub and felt so disappointed. Knowing that some students are feeling as disappointed as I was at the prospect of a sub is really hard for a people pleaser like me.
Last night was no exception. The room was full and two more students arrive. "Let's move to the other room" someone suggests and others agree. So we all move our mats and blankets and other various items down the hall to the other room. Everyone is settling in and I can't figure out how to turn the damn lights on.
I'm pushing buttons that God only knows what they turn on. It's getting late..... I need to start the class. We'll just make do with whatever light we have. The radio has now objected to the move - well, we'll have to use the sound of our Ujjyi breath as our back-ground music tonight. The "room" that we used is actually the foyer. It's rather large and the it opens up to the balcony of the second floor so the ceiling is pretty high up. All this made me feel a bit spacey and off center actually. Hummm...... A lesson for me perhaps?
As I sit in front of this room full of people my only option is to step forward in faith. We start with a few release breaths; mostly for my own benefit. It's not long before I'm in the "yoga zone" as my friend Lucia calls it. Remember the muppet show? There were these two muppets that were old guys who used to throw rotten fruit at the other guest they didn't like. I think of that at the end of class. I guess as long as no-one throws tomatoes at me then I did okay.
Teaching yoga is really a blessing. Not only do I get to share my passion for yoga with others but it gives me the opportunity to learn so much about myself. Tonight was a reminder that I need to get out of my comfort zone a little more and perhaps challenge myself more. And sure, some people may have been disappointed but that's also an opportunity for them to learn the valuable lesson that I'm working on "Letting go of expectations will help you not feel so disappointed all the time". Believe me folks - that's a tough one. It may take me a few more lifetimes but it's one I feel is worth the effort to learn.
So in closing I'd like to leave you with these words from a very wise man: You only have two options - stay stuck in fear.... or step forward in faith. Which will you choose today?