Yoga at your own risk

As with anything in life, practicing yoga has some risks.  If you push too hard into a posture you risk injuring yourself.   You know your back is feeling tight but when the teacher suggests bow pose you go
for it.  The result?  Back pain.  These risks are 100% preventable.  Afterwards we realize that it was the ego or maybe even absentmindedness that motivated us to push rather than back-off.   But there are other risks when practicing yoga that no-one really talks about.
The practice takes us into places within ourselves that maybe we don't ordinarily allow ourselves to go.  Some of these deep, dark corners of our minds are scary places.  There's the risk of getting mugged by our old habits and old thought patterns.  Is re-lapsing into old habits preventable?

Perhaps the biggest risk of the yoga practice is the risk to our heart.  A lot of the work done on the mat is about opening our heart.  The yoga teachings clearly tell us to be in our hearts and move from our hearts.  This practice of opening the heart leaves us vulnerable.   We know the benefits are great and so we begin to tentatively open the heart.  It's scary but we do it.  Unfortunately, sometimes that means we get hurt. 

Over the years many of us build pretty solid walls around our hearts to protect it.  After all, it's a very sensitive thing and it needs protection.  (Doesn't it?)  With the wall safely in place we can withstand the harshness of life.  We don't feel the lightening bolts that are aimed straight at our hearts.  When the yoga practice begins to dismantle the protective walls our hearts are exposed and we feel vulnerable.  Without the wall there's no protection against the harshness of life, against the lightening bolts.  What now?  The thought of this is scary and makes me ask why?  Why would I want to dismantle the protective wall?  Why would I want to open my heart?  We most definitely feel more when we do the work of opening our hearts. The harshness that surrounds us feels more harsh.  There are risks to feeling more. 

The risk of feeling your feelings is that you have to figure out what to do with them after you've felt them.  How do you prevent those old coping mechanisms from mugging you?  If you do find yourself falling back into old patterns how do you break the cycle?  How do you protect your heart while at the same time keeping it open? Unlike the risk in the physical practice of yoga, I'm not sure that the risk in the emotional practice of yoga is preventable.  My guess, though, is that we apply the same advice to both practices. With the physical practice we listen to our body.  With the internal practice, we listen to our heart.  

There are also risks to NOT opening the heart.  The down side of that protective wall is that it not only keeps the hurt out but it also keeps the love out.   When we avoid feeling our feelings we are preventing ourselves from feeling love and joy.  Do we want to prevent that too?  I don't.  I want to feel love and joy so I have to take the risk that maybe sometimes a little pain will get in too.  It's a hazard of this game we call Life. 

 As I do in the asana practice I realize that what motivates me to build the wall around my heart is the ego and sometimes even absentmindedness.  And, that my friend, is preventable.   My advice? When you are moving into the deep, dark corners of the mind - take a flashlight or in yoga words - the mantra.  Where there is light there can be no darkness.  Right?

My vacation to yoga-land!

Flipping through my class notes from my 500hr yoga teacher training course I came across this note:

Tantras - how to do practices

Purifying practice - heat/burn off -negativity

Nurturing practice - feeds us - nourishes

need a balance of each

It's my need for balance that prompted me to take this week off from work to participate in the morning yoga retreat at Yoga on Main.  Although I try to do sadhana (spiritual practice) every day some days I feel like I want to spend more time on the mat but life gets in the way.  This week my intention is to give myself the time without any restrictions to focus on sadhana. 

This morning's practice was about purifying - we generated a lot of heat.  When I got home I wanted to sit for meditation but I also wanted to be outside enjoying the sunshine.  On the drive home from the studio I was mentally debating, should I meditate first and then do a little gardening or should I garden first and then meditate?  Since I spend most days sitting in a cubical without any windows I didn't want to miss the opportunity to spend some time soaking in the sunshine.  The solution?  I meditated outside.

It was a bit more challenging at first but it wasn't long before I was riding the wave into meditation.

I'm not sure how much time passed but the first thought coming out of meditation was "Damn that guy, Patanjali really knew what he was talking about!"  LOL!   Just to clarify, Patanjali is the guy who supposedly wrote down in a very systematic way the instructions of yoga known as the Yoga Sutras. 

Anyway,  Patanjali gives us the steps, one by one, to reach a state of samadhi - this is the highest state of meditation when we merge with cosmic consciousness.   Some people skip right to step #3 - asana (yoga postures) and stay there.  Some people skip right to step #7 - meditation and wonder why they can't meditate.  "I can't meditate, I can't quiet my mind"  Is what I hear whenever I suggest meditation.  

My pitta mind needs step by step instructions so I follow Patanjali's instructions:

1.  Yamas - Social ethics: truthfulness, non-harming, self-restraint, non-stealing, non-possessiveness

2.  Niyamas - Moral ethics: austerities, purity, contentment, self-study, surrender to the Divine

3.  Asana - physical postures

4.  Pranayama - breath control

5.  Pratyahara - withdrawl of the senses (turning the senses inward)

6.  Dharana - concentration

7.  Dhyana - meditation

8.  Samadhi - Absolute bliss

Today's practice incorporated all these steps which made meditation effortless.  When you plant a garden you first need to prepare the soil.  That's what we do when we practice according to the 8 fold path, we prepare the soil for meditation to happen. 

Step #1&2: I try my best to honor the yamas and niyamas in my life.  (well, I strive to at least)

Step #3: SD took us through a beautiful, purifying asana practice

Step #4: Alternate nostril breathing - to balance out the effect of the strong physical practice

Step #5: I close my eyes and turn my senses inward

Step #6: Mantra

Step #7: Meditation happened - effortlessly.

Step #8:  I realize what a genius Patanjali was/is! 

It doesn't get more balanced then this.  The purifying effects of asana and pranayma and the nurturing

effects of meditation equal a perfectly balanced practice every time.

Although getting up at 4:30am to practice yoga and meditate all day may not be everyone's idea of a fabulous vacation but for me - it's absolute bliss!!  To book your visit to yoga-land check out our

new web-site:   http://www.yogaonmain.com/

Tis the season......

I've been reading this fabulous book called the 3 Season Diet by Dr. Douillard. It's Ayurveda (the science of life) made easy for the western student. I would highly recommend it.

Ok, infomercial is over......

I never thought much about eating with the seasons, it was just something I did. I love cooking for my family and friends and even just random people. The food that I eat changes with the seasons simply because certain foods just taste better when they are in season. For many of us, changing the foods we eat based on season seems very natural but have you thought about changing your asana practice for the season?

As the temperatures go up I notice that my dog, Pumpkin, lays on the floor instead of the sofa.  I guess even animals change their patterns with the season. I think animals are closer to enlightenment than we humans!

I've been thinking a lot about this as I prepare for my classes. I show up to teach a class and I'm looking at the students red faced and sweaty before class even starts. Maybe they rode their bike to class or walked and their breathing is a bit heavy. Do I want to offer a strong, dynamic practice? Probably not.

Remember: Like increases like and opposites cure.

Taking my cues from Pumpkin, maybe we spend a little more time in the opening poses doing seated postures. Forward folds with a little longer hold feels right. I like balancing the heating effects of sun salutation with the cooling effect of moon salutation. To include pranayama into the practice - shitali (cooling breath) while moving in and out of bow pose. Have you tried Ardha-Chandrasana (half-moon pose). Since it's a moon pose and the moon is considered more cooling - it's a great option for keeping with the theme of a cooling practice. If you've been to my class you know that I LOVE, LOVE props - May I recommend that you try  Ardha-Chandrasana against a wall?

For those of us with a lot of fire/heat in our personality (pitta) we tend to push ourselves and others. We tend to be doers. Pitta people are always "doing" so letting go and relaxing is a challenge. I find that using props with pitta folks lets them let go a little easier. One of the lovely ladies in my class says that using a block under her low back in bridge pose helps her to BE in the pose and not have to "make it happen". In other words - helps her back off a little of the effort she normally applies in being in the pose.

What about your meditation practice? We know that mantras have different effects so what about changing the mantra that you use? Maybe using a mantra honoring the moon like:
                                                          Om Som Somaya Swaha.

I'll keep working on my lesson plans for cooling yoga practices. When you're done eating your tomato and basil salad come join me for a cooling yoga practice. I'd love your feed-back!

** I know I haven't explained what the poses are and how to practice them. You'll just have to come to class if want to see what the practice looks like.. :-) Besides, you need to feel the effects not just read about it!

Adventures of a spiritual seeker continues.......

So I show up to hear a talk being given by an enlightened being. Sure I'm skeptical but I'm eager to hear what he has to say.  My journal is open and my pen is ready. Bring on the secrets to enlightenment!! It didn't take long before I closed the journal. I wouldn't be learning any ancient yogic secrets from this guy but don't log off just yet.

I did learn some important things this week-end. The first of which is that since I'm always looking for a guru who will impart some secret wisdom I sometimes miss the real teachers who are offering me not so secret wisdom every day.   This is the most important one - I think. 

I learn just as much from the students who come to my class as I do from my teachers.   From them I learn humility.  I used to show up to teach a class thinking that I was going to "teach" them something but I quickly learned they are the real teachers.   I learn about joy and wonder from seeing the world through my son's eyes.  I learn patience and tolerance and compassion from those people in my life who challenge me.  I learn the real meaning of the word yogi when I witness the kindness and generosity of my teacher.  I may not have a guru sitting in lotus posture spoon feeding me ancient wisdom but I certainly have lots of teachers and lots of opportunity to practice the yogic wisdom I study.  For this I am eternally grateful!

Here's a little snap shot of some other not so secret wisdom I'd like to share with you:

* Do good; Be good -- everything else will take care of itself
* Meditate - it's that simply. Whatever the question,
  the answer is meditate and all will be known.
* The gate to get into heaven is small - you won't get in if your head is too big
   - in other words, transcend the ego!!
* If you are going to talk - say something to inspire people not make them feel hopeless.
* Ultimately, what we need more than a guru is TRUST. Trust in a higher power.
* What you do does matter - so again: Do good, Be Good.
* If someone proclaims to be enlightened - he/she probably isn't.
* Nothing resonates with me more than the teachings of the Upanishads.  I much prefer the Isha Upanishad:  "All this is full, All that is full,  From fullness, fullness comes. When fullness is taken from fullness, fullness still remains"  instead of the statement given by this so called enlightened being that creation comes from a void.  Fullness vs void?   I vote for fullness.  When I think of the Divine I think of infinite love, not a void.  I might be wrong but my heart is too full of love to believe God is a void. 

In the end, I come back to what I already know. Everything I seek is not outside of myself.  All my questions will be answered - when I still the fluctuations in the thought waves of my mind through sadhana, spiritual practice. In the stillness, I will look in the lotus of my heart and all will be revealed to me.

Now does anyone know the secret to more patience??

Practicing contentment in not knowing......

My zia sometimes tells the story of how when I was little I would make everyone crazy because I was always asking why.  I guess I'm still making people crazy because I'm still asking why.   I even make myself crazy because I'm always asking myself why I make the choices that I do, why can't I just accept things without question? etc...  It's these questions that keep me seeking answers. 

Once in a yoga class the teacher had us doing some complicated mudra (A gesture or position, usually of the hands, that locks and guides energy flow and reflexes to the brain).  I asked the teacher why we were doing this mudra.  What was the purpose?  What was the desired effect?  - her answer was "I don't really know.  It's one that my teacher uses."  I respect the fact that she was honest and didn't try to give me some stupid yoga babble but I still wanted to know.   All I could do at that point was to turn my awareness inward and witness the effect the mudra had on me.   (a side note: I later did a google search, and a search in my library of yoga books and couldn't find the mudra so it's yet another yoga mystery)

If there's one thing I've learned is that the only way to know anything for sure is to experience it for yourself.   You can know something in your head but until you feel it and experience it you don't really know it.  It all comes back to this one truth.   This month my Upanishad study group is reading and discussing the Mundaka Upanishad, two modes of knowing.  Here again, I can study the scriptures and know it in my head but until I experience the teachings and how they play out in my daily life I can't really know it. 

"The illumined sages say knowledge is twofold, higher and lower. The study of the Vedas, linguistics, rituals, astronomy, and all the arts can be called lower knowledge. The higher is that which leads to Self-realization"


What that means to me is this:  By reading the scriptures I can understand them intellectually.  Performing rituals like practicing yoga is good.  Knowing what planets and stars were where at the time of my birth may explain why certain things happen.  All this knowledge is good but it may not lead to Self-realization.  Perhaps it's the questions - the why and how that leads to Self-realization.  

Okay, I've learned the sun salutation.  I've probably done thousands of them over the years but now I want to understand why?  Why do we salute the sun? Why are these particular postures part of that salutation? Why does the sequence create heat in the body? Why? Why? Why?  Will the effect of the ritual of Surya Namaskar be different once I understand the meaning behind it?  Will answering these questions lead to Self-realization? 

What does Self-realization mean?  What does it mean to you?  I can tell you what it means to me.   It means realizing that aspect of myself which is pure love and truth.  It's that aspect of myself that is unchanging.  My true nature.  Don't get me wrong, it's elusive and hard to abide in but it's there.  It's in the lotus of our hearts.  When we're there - in the Self, the lotus of our hearts, we'll know.  That's when we'll really know.  This state of Self-realization is "far beyond the reach of words and thoughts".  The sages tell us that once we reach that state all doubts will be gone and all questions will be answered.  (Then maybe my crazy monkey mind will give it a rest!)

All these scriptures, rituals, techniques and questions are the road maps and vehicles. The destination is the Self (the Atman) It's that aspect of God/Divine that is within us.  Everything we do either leads us closer to or away from the Self.  Just reading the map won't get you to your destination, you need to walk towards it if you ever hope to reach it. 

Maybe the why doesn't really matter.  Maybe the more important question should be, does this bring me closer to Self-realization or further away?

In the book, Autobiography of a Yogi, Sri Yukteswar told Yogananda to leave some questions to be answered in the astral plan.   I am trying to take that advice myself.  Trying to find contentment in not knowing.   After all, what would there to strive for if I already knew everything?

                                                           asato ma sadgamaya
                                                        tamaso ma jyotirgamaya
                                                       mrtyorma amrtam gamaya

                                               Lead me from the unreal to the real.
                                                  Lead me from darkness to light.
                                                 Lead me from death to immortality.



To accept or to change.... That is the question

Wow! Where do I begin? I suppose I should start by saying that I KNOW I'm not the fairness police!  There - I said it, I know it, now please indulge me a while as I rant!!  I apologize in advance if what I am about to say offends anyone.   This is one of the hazards of reading my random thoughts......

Sometimes yoga brings up alot of crap for me.  You know, all those emotions and feelings that you don't allow yourself to feel?  (maybe that's just me - God I hope that's not just me).  Sometimes it's something going on in my life or in my head, sometimes it's something the teachers says.  The problem is that after class I'm left to process this crap on my own.  I almost feel like we should have a "support group" of some sort after class to help us work through the issues that the practice brings up  but that's a whole other rant.....

Tonight's bhavana was acceptance.  Believe me, I know I have stuff I need to accept.  I know that I hold on to things that no longer serve me.  I know I hold on to old resentments and anger.  I feel it in my body, my jaw that aches, my hands that are always clinched, my shoulders that are up around my ears all the time.  I know there are things in my life that I need to accept - things that I cannot change.  But that's not what I want to talk about.  The more my teacher talked about acceptance the more heat I felt in my body and in my mind. 

The thoughts in my head went something like this:  "Do I have to accept it when people ignore me?" "Do I have to accept it when someone else takes credit for the work that I've done?"  "Am I required to accept that I can't say what I feel because it might upset someone else?"  "Am I suppose to accept other people's bad behavior?" -- YES!  I KNOW!  I AM NOT THE FAIRNESS POLICE!  I get it! 

It's a pattern that is very deeply ingrained in my consciousness that I need to simply accept everything without question.  For most of my life it seems I've been in the background.  Allowing other people to take center stage, so to speak.  Always being the good daughter/wife/mother/friend putting other people's needs before my own.  I've done this willingly.  Accepting the idea that their feelings or their thoughts or problems were more important than my own. (Are they?)  I willingly accepted this role of being the caregiver to everyone - even people I don't even know. Even when the care or kindness wasn't returned. Does that mean that I am required to accept the role of doormat too? 

"In practicing acceptance - you gain freedom" the teacher suggests.  I can appreciate that that is true. I have even felt a great relief when I have surrendered to something that I know I cannot control.  It's the same great relief you feel when you come into child's pose after a strong standing sequence.  But tonight,  what kept coming back to me was the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

What I kept thinking tonight was that I need the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know what to accept and what to change.  Just like a zebra can't change it's strips I can't change the person I am.   I will always be a caregiver - that's just my nature.  What I can change is not allowing others  to treat me like a door mat.  What I need to accept is that I must willingly give without expecting the other person to do the same for me.  What I need is the courage to speak my mind even if it means that someone will be upset with me but I need to accept the fact that sometimes people don't want to hear what I have to say.  I need the courage to step out of the background and be me - even if it means someone else may need to step into the background for a while.  

 

It's not fair that sometimes we open our hearts only for someone to step on it.  It's not fair when you are falling apart and no-one seems to notice.  It's not fair that you are practicing acceptance while others are imposing their will upon you.  It's these situations that I have a hard time accepting.  If I'm not the fairness police who is? Because I have a complaint!! 

 

Oh.....As if it's not hard enough to figure out what to accept and what to change you also have to consider the role of the ego when you feel the need to change something?  Was it my ego tonight that was resisting the bhavana of acceptance or was it my inner guide telling me I need to change?  A yoga support group would be so awesome right now.......

 

 

 

 

Finding Enlightenment in the shower.......

This morning in the shower I was thinking about a quote I read once that was supposedly by the Buddha.
"Before Enlightenment chopped wood, carried water.  After Enlightenment chopped wood, carried water."  If this is true it begs the questions  "Why the hell are we striving for Enlightenment then?!".   It also makes me wonder what exactly enlightenment means anyway.  If I'll still be chopping wood and carrying water what will be different after enlightenment?  I'm glad the world didn't end yesterday.  This gives me more time to try to figure out what it means to be enlightened.   

Of course since I haven't had the opportunity to sit down with Buddha and ask him what exactly he meant by that quote and since he'd probably ignore my question anyway I'll share my own thoughts about what I think he may have meant by "Before Enlightenment chopped wood, carried water, after
Enlightenment chopped wood, carried water". 

*The first thing that comes to mind is, just because you are enlightened doesn't mean you are now
  exempt from doing your duty of serve to others.  

*Perhaps the attitude towards chopping wood and carrying water changes.  Instead of grumbling about having to chop wood and carry water every day without being appreciated we'll begin doing the work joyfully.  Perhaps we'll begin feeling gratitude for the tree that gave up it's life so that we can have fire to keep us warm.  Gratitude for the water that keeps our bodies healthy. Gratitude for the strength of our bodies that enable us to do the work.

*In the ordinary chores of the day I find an opportunity to practice yoga.  While washing the dishes, folding the laundry, sweeping the floors I remember the mantra.  In this way, the ordinary chores become an offering to the Divine.  There is a little more joy in the work when I remember that.

*Easwaran says that you know you are progressing in your meditation practice not when you can travel out of your body to South America but when you can be more forgiving, more patient, more compassionate.   In this way, we can look upon the job of chopping wood and carrying water as a way of helping to lighten someone else's burden.  As we become more compassionate, forgiving and patient, we guide others to do the same by our example.

*Anyone can meditate when they are hiding out in a cave somewhere with no-one around and with no responsibilities.  It doesn't impress me when people talk of going on retreat to meditate.  What impresses me is when someone comes to the aide of a friend in need - even when that means having to skip their meditation practice.  That's Enlightenment folks.  Putting the needs of others before your own.

*Recognizing our own patterns and working to change the negative patterns - that's Enlightenment.  When we can witness the crazy thought waves of the mind and recognize the self doing the thinking at the same time as recognizing the self watching the thinker thinking the thoughts..... Oh God, I think I just gave myself a headache - but you get the idea.  When we recognize that we are not our thoughts and that we can change our thoughts which will change our attitude - then the spark that leads to Enlightenment is ignited.

*Probably the most important thing is that as long as we are having this human experience we may make mistakes.  We will make wrong choices.  We may fall back into old negative patterns.   What's important is not kicking yourself but doing the next right thing.  With each next right thing we'll surely find ourselves continuing the processing of uncovering the veils of maya.  As we remove the veils, our own inner light shines a bit brighter.   Our Enlightenment becomes more and more evident.   After all - we're all already Enlightened - we just can't see it yet.

*If you want to find a truly Enlightened being - look for the person who is chopping wood and carrying water - joyfully.