What does Basketball have to do with Yoga?!

 Every other Thursday I pay bills.  Every month, when I pay the mortgage I congratulate myself for making it through another month.  More often then not I say to myself (and to anyone who happens to be near me at the time), "I really feel like someone should throw confetti when I pay the mortgage."  I actually mean it. Well, the other day my daughter did just that! She came home with a plastic gun that shot out confetti!   Tonight, while I was sweeping up the confetti I was reminded of something my teacher said many years ago.  

Let me set the scene for this story.  I rushed home from work to make dinner for my family and help with homework. I gather myself up and drive an hour to visit my teacher at his house.  I had been daydreaming about spending time talking about Yoga with Ed.  In those days my life was filled with work and kids and household chores so the thought of spending a couple of hours immersed in Yoga was heaven. 

Anyway, when I get there he's watching a basketball game.  I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed. I wanted to learn about Yoga and Life.  Basketball was a constant in my house in those days.  My daughter played for school,  all the neighborhood kids played on our net outside, it was always on TV or constantly being talked about.  I just wanted to talk to an adult about Yoga and Life!

At one point, he says "you know, Basketball is very much like life." I wasn't convinced but I was listening.   He continued, "If you miss a shot and you sit under the basket crying about it the game is still going on at the other end of the court without you and if you make the shot and stand under the basket patting yourself on the back, you're missing the game that's going on at the other end of the court without you."  

Turns out basketball, like paying bills, is a lesson in working without attachment to the fruits of your labor.   We work hard for the sake of working hard and offer it all up in service to God.  Life, like basketball moves so fast.  Don't waste too much time worrying about the failures or boasting about your accomplishments.  The point of life is to stay in the game. Keep working, keep moving and for the love of God enjoy it. 

The other life lesson I learned that night is that when we keep our minds and hearts open the world becomes our classroom and every moment of this crazy life is an opportunity to learn something. Who knew a basketball game was teaching me one of the principle lessons of the Bhagavad Gita? 

"You have the right to work, but never to the fruit of work. You should never engage in action for the sake of reward, nor should you long for inaction. Perform work in this world, Arjuna, as a man established within himself - without selfish attachments, and alike in success and defeat.” 

I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy the accomplishments.  I'm just saying don't spend too much time patting yourself on the back.  Throw the confetti if that will make you happy. Just remember that tomorrow you'll have to clean it up and then get back to work so you can pay the mortgage next month and the game continues. 

The Yoga of Motherhood

At yoga this morning a woman said (about motherhood) "even though it was really hard I wouldn't have it any other way. "  Her daughter is grown and she has the 20/20 vision of hindsight on her side.  My initial thought was how lucky she is that she doesn't have any regrets.

My kids are mostly grown too. My vision, however, was not as clear at first.   For a second I missed the part where she said "It was really hard..."   I sometimes regret not having the option to be a stay at home mom.  I sometimes still worry that I could have done things better. I sometimes still feel somehow deficient.  Still.... I wouldn't have it any other way.   As we all know, motherhood takes us to the brink of insanity nearly every day but it also shows us our infinity capacity to love.

As I was reflecting on my experiences with motherhood I could see very clearly that it has provided plenty of  opportunities  to practice the teachings of yoga.

Things like "non-attachment" might seem foreign to some but to a mom, it's a daily experience.
"Where's my favorite coffee mug?"  Oh... there it is in the basement with paint brushes in it.  Eating soup with a fork because all the spoons have mysteriously disappeared.  I could write a book entitled "The Nicholson mysteries"  about all the exercises in non-attachment.  The mystery of the missing spoons is just the latest edition.

Learning to stay one pointed in the midst of chaos.  There's a story of a yoga master that was able to meditate in the middle of New York City.  He's got nothing on yoga-moms.  Have you ever tried to cook dinner with kids fighting, barking dogs chasing each other while still wearing your work clothes and not loose your mind?  When I started meditating my kids were little.  I would set a timer outside my bedroom door.  It didn't take long before I'd hear whispers and then fighting on the other side of that door.  Still, I flexed my discipline muscles and continued to sit in "meditation" until the timer went off.  As I learned "one pointed concentration" my kids learned boundaries and the importance of self-care.  They may have caused chaos but they rarely opened the door.

Ever heard of ahimsa?  Ahimsa is a first principle in yoga --  Non-harming.  That might seem obvious to new moms rocking their sweet little ones who coo and smile at them all day.  It's much harder when your teenager screams "I hate you!!  you're ruining my life".  I never understood how anyone could hurt their child until..... PUBERTY.  I shudder to think what kind of mother I would have been without my yoga practice.

All I ever really wanted from the yoga practice was equanimity of mind.  I wanted to be able to maintain composure regardless of what was going on around me.   Lucky for me God is generous and gives me lots of chances to practice.  From, everyday chances like when the dog destroys yet another sofa to extreme chances like when my daughter nearly dies in childbirth.  What I've learned is that although it's important to maintain composure in the moment it's also important that we acknowledge our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them.... Even if that means meltdowns in the shower.  Teaching little kids how to deal with really BIG emotions is done by example.   If we don't allow our children to see us feeling our feelings then they grow up without the tools to process their own.  This is one of the many balancing "poses" moms practice daily.  The balance between maintaining composure so that kids feel safe but also allowing them to see us feeling our feelings.

Perhaps the most interesting experience of motherhood is the ability to hold two opposing emotions at the same time. The moment you can feel so much love that your heart could burst and at the same time wanting to loose your shit when you see your daughter carved "I love you Mom" on your beautiful wood dining room table.  The moment  your kid comes home way past curfew and you feel relief that they are still alive and at the same time wanting to kill them for ignoring curfew.   How about that feeling of pride when you see what truly great humans your kids are and at the same time feeling so much guilt and self doubt worrying about all the mistakes you've made.

Every motherhood moment is simultaneously filled with the greatest joy you've ever known and with the most overwhelming fear and anxiety.  Motherhood is not "having no regrets"   It's about doing the best you can.  It's about loving fiercely.

"Even though it's really hard, I wouldn't have it any other way."   I couldn't agree more, Vicki.