The Yoga of Motherhood

At yoga this morning a woman said (about motherhood) "even though it was really hard I wouldn't have it any other way. "  Her daughter is grown and she has the 20/20 vision of hindsight on her side.  My initial thought was how lucky she is that she doesn't have any regrets.

My kids are mostly grown too. My vision, however, was not as clear at first.   For a second I missed the part where she said "It was really hard..."   I sometimes regret not having the option to be a stay at home mom.  I sometimes still worry that I could have done things better. I sometimes still feel somehow deficient.  Still.... I wouldn't have it any other way.   As we all know, motherhood takes us to the brink of insanity nearly every day but it also shows us our infinity capacity to love.

As I was reflecting on my experiences with motherhood I could see very clearly that it has provided plenty of  opportunities  to practice the teachings of yoga.

Things like "non-attachment" might seem foreign to some but to a mom, it's a daily experience.
"Where's my favorite coffee mug?"  Oh... there it is in the basement with paint brushes in it.  Eating soup with a fork because all the spoons have mysteriously disappeared.  I could write a book entitled "The Nicholson mysteries"  about all the exercises in non-attachment.  The mystery of the missing spoons is just the latest edition.

Learning to stay one pointed in the midst of chaos.  There's a story of a yoga master that was able to meditate in the middle of New York City.  He's got nothing on yoga-moms.  Have you ever tried to cook dinner with kids fighting, barking dogs chasing each other while still wearing your work clothes and not loose your mind?  When I started meditating my kids were little.  I would set a timer outside my bedroom door.  It didn't take long before I'd hear whispers and then fighting on the other side of that door.  Still, I flexed my discipline muscles and continued to sit in "meditation" until the timer went off.  As I learned "one pointed concentration" my kids learned boundaries and the importance of self-care.  They may have caused chaos but they rarely opened the door.

Ever heard of ahimsa?  Ahimsa is a first principle in yoga --  Non-harming.  That might seem obvious to new moms rocking their sweet little ones who coo and smile at them all day.  It's much harder when your teenager screams "I hate you!!  you're ruining my life".  I never understood how anyone could hurt their child until..... PUBERTY.  I shudder to think what kind of mother I would have been without my yoga practice.

All I ever really wanted from the yoga practice was equanimity of mind.  I wanted to be able to maintain composure regardless of what was going on around me.   Lucky for me God is generous and gives me lots of chances to practice.  From, everyday chances like when the dog destroys yet another sofa to extreme chances like when my daughter nearly dies in childbirth.  What I've learned is that although it's important to maintain composure in the moment it's also important that we acknowledge our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them.... Even if that means meltdowns in the shower.  Teaching little kids how to deal with really BIG emotions is done by example.   If we don't allow our children to see us feeling our feelings then they grow up without the tools to process their own.  This is one of the many balancing "poses" moms practice daily.  The balance between maintaining composure so that kids feel safe but also allowing them to see us feeling our feelings.

Perhaps the most interesting experience of motherhood is the ability to hold two opposing emotions at the same time. The moment you can feel so much love that your heart could burst and at the same time wanting to loose your shit when you see your daughter carved "I love you Mom" on your beautiful wood dining room table.  The moment  your kid comes home way past curfew and you feel relief that they are still alive and at the same time wanting to kill them for ignoring curfew.   How about that feeling of pride when you see what truly great humans your kids are and at the same time feeling so much guilt and self doubt worrying about all the mistakes you've made.

Every motherhood moment is simultaneously filled with the greatest joy you've ever known and with the most overwhelming fear and anxiety.  Motherhood is not "having no regrets"   It's about doing the best you can.  It's about loving fiercely.

"Even though it's really hard, I wouldn't have it any other way."   I couldn't agree more, Vicki.