I don't really like "hallmark" holidays. The older I get the less I care about holidays in general. If you need Hallmark to remind you to be kind to your loved ones you probably are going to need more than an overpriced card. Anyway, today is Father's Day. I grew up without a father so I never really gave Father's day much thought so imagine my surprise when I realized that I've been thinking about it quite a bit the last few days.
When my kids were growing up, their father would spend Father's day playing softball with a bunch of random guys. Most of the dads I knew either worked all the time or were just not involved in the day to day lives of their kids. Some were there for the big moments like graduations, weddings, or whatever but not for the day to day things like dinner, baths, homework.
I'm not gonna lie, it took a minute for my brain to adjust when my grandbabies were born. Their dads were involved in their care from day 1. Not because they were required to but because they actually wanted to be involved. It took me some time to get used to having to share baby snuggles with their dads. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I could not have asked for better dads for my grandchildren.
Watching these guys become dads has been such a blessing. In the grand scheme of life it's the little things that really matter most. It's the way they show up for their kids everyday that makes them a dad. Knowing how they like their eggs, taking them out when you need to run to the store even though it takes longer. Participating in the bedtime routine. Changing diapers without having to be asked. Knowing the kids well enough to know which cry is tired and which is hungry.
All these qualities are normal and not even noteworthy for most people but for me, they are remarkable. I never witnessed these qualities in a dad before. Anyone can be a FATHER but not everyone is a DAD. A dad is someone who shows up for you not only in the big moments but in the small moments because it's the millions of small moments that make up your life.
Dads are doing the work of raising children that feel loved, seen and cared for everyday not just on "Father's Day". Dads focus on what they can do for their kids instead of what their kids owe them. Dads sometimes step up and care for kids that aren't even their own (including adult kids). Dad care about their children's emotional as well as physical well-being.
The older I get the less I care about hallmark holidays. What I do care about are the people who are doing the hard work of caring for others both big and small. I don't care about who's around the Christmas dinner table. What I care about is being present for the millions of small moments that make up my life. I'm grateful to men who have shown me what a dad really is.
