I've heard my theme song about 100 times before but last week-end in the middle of teaching a yoga class I realized that it is the perfect theme song for my life. It's called Surrender by Gaura Vani.
"The road behind me is littered with the ruins, decisions made in fear" When we are honest with ourselves we know that we sometimes take the easy road because we're afraid of the unknown. We choose not to put ourselves out there because we're afraid of failure. We're afraid to express our love for fear of rejection. We choose not to take chances because we are afraid of what other people will think. When I'm honest with myself I know that I have even made some decisions based on my fear of success. I know, weird right? But it's true. My fear is that my success would mean that someone else would fail. My fear is that someone else might not like me if I'm more successful then them. The TV show could be about how I learn to uncover my fears and make better decisions using my yoga practice.
"Don't be afraid the Lord so sweetly said, and depending on his word, I will surrender" That's it in a nut shell isn't it? We depend on the Lord. Easier said than done. Wow! there could be a 100 episodes dealing just with this topic. Yoga certainly has helped me in those times when I am completely at the end of my rope. I have so often found myself sitting in front of my alter literally giving over my troubles to the Divine Mother because I simply could not carry them any longer. In those moments of total surrender I have found peace.
"My habitual desire to control, I now abandon. And from my schemes so carefully conceived, I release everyone." I love this line. At least I know I'm not alone in my desire to control everything and everyone. A lovely lady this week-end shared that her teacher told her she is not the general contractor of the universe. I giggled when she said it beause I thought...."how silly, of course she's not. That's my job". I am not alone and neither are you but just imagine how wonderful the universe would be if we were all free from our desire to control. If we were able to turn our hard hat over to the Divine, maybe just maybe we could enjoy life.
"My playing God is over. Now I surrender, surrender, surrender." One of the most shocking discoveries I made about myself on this yoga journey was my own arrogance. How arrogant I was being when I felt that I knew better than God the way things should be. Isn't that what I'm saying when I wish things to be different than what they are? Yes.... "My playing God is over..... I surrender" Even when I didn't see it right away, in the end, I realize that God really did know better than me how things should be.
"I pray to be a bow, upon my life, affix an arrow, a dazzling weapon of Your will." I'm reminded, when I hear this line, of the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. The prayer is framed on my alter and it begins: "Make me an instrument of thy peace." What better way to live our lives than with the knowledge that we are instruments of God? When we offer ourselves in service of God how will our decisions change? Will our decisions still be made in fear?
Okay, enough daydreaming about my life as a realty TV star. I will surrender my desire to be famous
(for now).
(da da da .......) This is not only the choirs of the song but also an important teaching in the Upanishad. It's what the thunder said.... check out chapter V, Brihadaranyaka Upanishad.
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