Are you coming or going?

The world is upside down. How do you move forward when you're not sure which end is up? Sometimes we are floating in the ethers with no connection to the earth below.  Other times it feels like we're stuck in the mud with no hope of getting free. What we thought was up turns out to be down. The door we thought would lead to the next room only ends up taking us back to the room we are trying to get out of. We look for answers but find more riddles instead.

"Change is inevitable.....except with vending machines"

When all things we thought we knew suddenly seems uncertain we need to re-evaluate our beliefs and the direction in which we are moving. We were moving forward or was it back? We were moving up or was it down? Was that a right turn or a left? Even if it was the right move yesterday it may be the wrong move today.

It seems to me that trying to figure out which end is up with our minds is pointless and will only lead to more frustration. A more accurate compass for which direction we should be heading is our intuition.

The world may be upside down but when we turn to sadhana we are pointed in the right direction. The spiritual practice becomes the process of tuning into your intuition.  Each time we tune in we are given an opportunity re-evaluate and adjust the direction of our lives.

Remember that it's our thoughts that create our reality. That means it's our thoughts that create the upside down world we experience. Create a calm and clear mental state and we create a calm world in which we clearly see which direction to move.

Regardless of which way the world is spinning taking the time for sadhana will turn you right side up. Only be prepared because the right side might be different than what you thought is was.

"A set back is a set up for a comeback"

Lead me from darkness to light

What is real?  Are you real?  Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?  What is real?  Do you walk the walk or just talk the talk?

What is real?  You talk about love but do you really love?  What is real?  Love and serve is on the menu but when you order it all that arrives is an empty plate.   What is real?

It's hard to see what is real from what is smoke and mirrors.  It's hard to see what is real from what is a facade.    The world around me seems too shallow for real swimming.  You can only wade in the waters but too dangerous to dive in.

What is real? My eyes see people extending a hand but when I reach for it....it's not real.  It's an illusion.
My ears are hearing words of support and love yet when I turn towards them....it's not real.  It's an illusion.

What is real? I've become so engrossed in the movie that when the lights come on I am shocked to find that I'm not  in the movie.  I'm only watching it.  "It felt so real!"  I believed that I was actually living a part in the movie!!  It's both a little disappointing to realize that it wasn't real but also a relief.  It's a relief to not have to play a role and to be real.

I'm still searching for what is real.  The more I turn on the light of consciousness through the daily practice of meditation the easier it is to see the reality from the illusion. 

The trouble is that my human heart still feels sadness when the realization that what I thought was real was only an illusion hits me.   The sadness of it overshadows the fact I should be rejoicing that the veils are lifting. 

What is real?  What you say or what you do?   It's not enough to talk the yoga talk.   What is real,  a  yogi who spends his days talking about love and service or the yogi who is in the background loving and serving when no one is looking? What is real?  Is love and support real when no one actually receives it? 

The illusion is no longer enough.  The dress rehearsal for life is over.  It's time to get real.  It's not enough to talk about love and service.  It's time to practice what you preach.  It's time to turn off the movie and start living your message. 

What is real?  Say what you mean..... Mean what you say.   Only offer what you are actually willing to give.   It's time to get real people!   It's time to live your message; wearing it on your shirt is no longer enough.  Don't talk about love and service unless you're ready to get your hands dirty and your heart involved.   Lip service is not real service.   It's no longer enough. 

In order for the message of love and service to be real it needs to be real all the time.  Even when it's inconvenient or when you're sick or tired.  

Are you real?  Or just an illusion?

Looking for beauty

Since writing my last post I've been thinking a lot about what I find beautiful. Today I wore my new red shoes. They didn't make me feel beautiful. On the contrary, they made me feel even more self conscious then usual.

A friend recently reminded me that I'm not going to find what I'm searching for outside of myself. Maybe the beauty that I'm looking for isn't out there either. As always, when I feel lost or confused I search for answers in a book. The book I'm reading now is called Seeing through the eyes of love by Eknath Easwaran.

"Ah, Lord God, thou holy lover of my soul, when thou comest into my heart, all that is within me shall rejoice. Thou art my glory and the exultation of my heart: thou art my hope and refuge in the day of my trouble"

There! there it is, the beauty I've been looking for, in the words of an inspirational passage. Ever since I can remember I've been escaping into the world of books. I get swept away by the words into another world. Words are powerful. I am very much effected by words. Reading beautiful inspirational words always fills my heart with joy. I feel the heavy mental congestion lift and clear.

I remember falling in love with my 9th grade English teacher. In hindsight I realize that it wasn't him that I was in love with. I was in love with the beautiful literature he was introducing me to. Listening to his soothing voice as he read to us effected me so greatly.  Although I don't remember the words he spoke, I do remember the feelings of love and sweetness that it invoked in me.

Words are powerful beyond measure. A beautifully written passage can easily send my heart and soul soaring into the heavens. Sending me into ecstatic states of bliss. Unfortunately, just as easily my heart and soul can be crushed under the shoe of words spoken in anger.

I don't  find beauty in red shoes but I do find beauty even in Nachiketa's dialog with death in the Katha Upanishad:

"Hidden in the heart of every creature exists the Self, subtler than the subtlest, greater than the greatest. They go beyond sorrow who extinguish their self-will and behold the glory of the Self through the grace of the Lord of Love."

I guess my friend was right. I'm not going to find what I'm seeking outside of myself. Not in the shoes, not in the books. Only in the Self. The way back to the Self is through the practice of meditation. When the heart and soul roars into ecstatic states of bliss reached through the practice of meditation the effects are everlasting. Nothing, not even the harshness of a thoughtless word can crush the heart that is filled with joy found in yoga.

Red Shoes

Om Shum Shukraya Namaha

My teacher once said that when someone reads your astrology chart it's like you're standing in front of them naked.  Since this post will be brief I guess you could consider this just getting flashed!

Anyway.... One of the remedial measures I was given at the time of my vedic astrology reading was to strengthen Venus.  So I was instructed to offer a white flower to a female teacher on Fridays.  Chant mantras to Shukra (Venus).  Beautify my environment by surrounding myself with beautiful things.  I was also instructed to take care of myself.  To do things that help me feel good about myself.

Finally! I thought, I have fun things to do instead of  the usual depressing kapha instructions like giving up all the foods I love, skipping the Sunday afternoon naps and not including savasana after asana practice.

It wasn't until I started doing those things that I realized how out of touch I was.  I am a very practical, straight forward kind of person.  I was more concerned about practicality than beauty.   I'd much rather spend the hour on the meditation cushion than in front of the mirror primping. I didn't see the value of surrounding myself with things that will only end up broken or lost. Or even worse....collecting dust.

It isn't as easy as it sounds, believe it or not.  I've discovered that for some people beautifying their environment and them selves comes very easily.  Take my mother for instance, even the simple act
Of making pizza becomes a work of art with each ingredient placed perfectly to insure it looks beautiful.   She can make any room look beautiful  in minutes even with just the stuff already there. If she sees something she finds beautiful she has to have it.  I'm content admiring it and leaving it at the store.

I've been working at this for nearly a year.  Offering a white flower to a female teacher every Friday and chanting the mantra for Venus has become second nature.  Beautifying my environment by creating my beautiful new yoga space was exciting and I do really enjoy spending time there.

I've spent the last six weeks creating new healthier habits that are helping me feel good about myself.   And Today I did something completely out of character for me.  I bought something so impractical.... Drum roll please......

Red shoes!

What I've discovered about myself during this practice of strengthening Venus is that I'm not comfortable with attention.  I prefer to stay in the back-ground.  Now the question is why?  Why is it that some people LOVE attention and demand attention while others, like me, avoid it at all cost?  

Here comes the flash.....Pay a little attention to the wall flowers  in your life and you'll be amazed at beautifully they bloom!!

Om Shum Shukraya Namaha



It's the dance.....

Ayurvedically speaking, my physical and mental make up is primarily kapha .  (This isn't going to be a lesson on Ayurveda...for that I invite you to visit my teacher's web-site:  www.EdZadlo.com).  My kapha nature makes me very loyal, sometimes to a fault.  It's what's responsible for my "motherly" ways of always wanting to take care of people, sometimes even when they don't want to be taken care of.   Kapha gives me strength, both physically and mentally.  The fact that my constitution is kapha means that I can take a lot of abuse... I'm strong... I can take it.   But sometimes, even kapha falls apart.  

As Ayurveda teachers we are taught to treat vata types like delicate flowers
                                                                    pitta types like a friend
                                                                    kapha types like an enemy

But sometimes, even kapha needs to be treated like a delicate flower and like a friend.  Pay attention to the people in your life who seem to be the strongest because they too need support. 

It seems the more I practice yoga/medication the more sensitive I become to the harshness that surrounds me.  The harsh manner in which people talk to each other.  Sometimes on purpose and other times just from being distracted or thoughtless.   The last few weeks the energy I've been feeling has been very intense.  I feel it in my own consciousness and I've experienced it from other people.  It's harder to deal with when the harshness comes from those people closest to us.  Even the weather this last week has been harsh.  It's been bitter cold and snowy.

This morning I got to the studio early.  While I waited for students to arrive I turned on the heat.  I put on some soft, gentle music, I lit some candles, pausing for a moment to notice the soft glow of the flame.  I bow to Ganesha....who surely knows the struggles of kapha.

I rolled out a mat, connect to the soft, gentle flow of my breath.  With my attention turned inward and my eyes closed, I began to move.  With each exhalation I felt the harshness of the outside world melt away.  With each inhalation I felt the softness of my breath supporting and nurturing me.  It's the beautiful, rhythmic dance between the body and the breath that heals and supports. 

It's not the teachers, it's not the studio, it's not the fancy yoga pants.  It's the dance.  The dance between the body and the breath that heals and supports.  Even kapha types need soft, gentle, loving support sometimes.   The beauty of being a kapha type is that we are natural caregivers.  We sometimes forget to take care ourselves with as much kindness and love that we take care of others.

As teachers of Ayurveda we must remember that underneath the label of kapha is still a person who needs loving support and not just the harsh treatment of an enemy.   Even the strongest kapha has her breaking point.

Jai Ganesha

 (google image)

A prayer to Kali-Ma!

The best part of my morning commute to work is passing a local business that always has the best quotes on their sign.  Some quotes are so great that I actually write them down.   Like this one:

"We want to be humble but we're afraid no one will notice"



How true is that statement? I was reminded of  this quote today after seeing some ego driven posts on facebook.  My first reaction to someone who's being incredibly egotistical is to get angry.  "What a jack-ass!" is usually my reaction.  Now, don't get me wrong... I know I have an ego just as much as the next guy but at least I TRY to keep my ego in check.   And when I can't get my ego in check myself I can depend on my friends to remind me when  I'm the one being the jack-ass.

After my usual rant of  "WHAT A JACK-ASS!!"  my friend, Jon reminded me with a gentle  "C'mon, he's a real person."  I needed to take a look at myself and my reaction to said Jack-ass....I mean real person.  

What exactly motivates such strong negative reaction  in me when someone else's ego is so inflated?  Why does it bother me so much?  Why does my blood boil at other people's bad behavior?   These are some of the questions I'm asking myself tonight.  

Here's the ugly truth I uncovered:

1.  Envy.  I envy their ability for shameless self-promotion.

2.  Self-righteousness.  I have strong values and morals and I feel that everyone else should too.

3   Respect.  My perceived lack of respect for teachers.

4.  Humility.  I believe it's the foundation for spiritual practice and feel frustrated when people act as though

     it's optional. 

Listen, I know I'm not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination, but COME ON people!! How can you preach letting go of the ego in one post and then proclaim your greatness in the next?  How can you preach oneness while you work tirelessly to elevate yourself above others?  

Let's not forget Kali-Ma.   If you don't offer up your ego willingly she will cut off your head!! 

Jai Kali-Ma..... I offer my ego and my self-righteous attitude to you willing and I pray that you illuminate my consciousness whenever I may be acting as bad as said Jack-ass...I mean real person.

Patterns

I saw a sign on the way to work the other day that read "May your troubles last only as long as your New Year's resolutions" Seeing this sign was even more hilarious considering what was going on in my mind that morning.


I've become very aware of my mental patterns. I am totally a creature of habit,  once I start something new and do it 3 or 4 times suddenly a new habit is created. This can be a good thing if the new habit is positive. Unfortunately, not all my mental patterns or habits are positive. "It takes 40 days to create a new habit"  is what I've been told. What I want to know is:

How many days does it take to un-do a negative habit???

This past week or so I've witnessed both my negative and positive mental patterns at work. Again I'm wondering why anyone watches realty tv when there's so much interesting stuff going on in our minds to watch.

Here's a glimpse into the "reality" show that was playing in my mind:

I've set the intention that this is the year that I take control of my life (don't laugh! I'm serious). Yes, I know that I am not the general contractor of the universe BUT my Ayurveda studies have taught me that I do have some control over my physical and mental well-being. That's what I intent to get under control. I am learning the tools that will keep me in an optimal state of health both mentally and physically.

New habits are being formed. I am feeling good about my choices and I'm grateful for my addictive nature since it has helped me become addicted to the new, positive changes. I'm grateful that I have just the right amount of pitta nature that motivates me to get things done and accomplish the goals I set out to accomplish.

Changing physical patterns seems a lot easier than changing mental patterns!!

The mental patterns seems more ingrained. The roots are deeper and stronger. This is where the real work needs to happen. Ayurveda teaches that the mind creates the body. In order to change the body, not just the physical body but also our physical experiences, we need to change the mind.

HOLY HELL!! Being a creature of habit is NOT a good thing when it comes to changing the mind. One mental pattern in particular is troubling me this morning.  I have witnessed it come up over and over the last couple of weeks.  I really thought that I had changed this mental pattern but clearly I haven't. 

I recognize that this mental pattern has been holding me back for years but it's roots are so deep.  I suspect that the roots were planted many lifetimes ago.  It may be impossible to trace back the cause but it's clear that it needs to change.  It's the HOW that's troubling me.

What I do know is that if the roots of a plant are not feed and taken care of the plant won't grow.  Perhaps the same principles apply here.  If I don't feed the mental pattern maybe the root will eventual die.

Change your mind......Change your life