Are you listening?

For years I've had this recurring dream.   A nightmare actually.  In the dream I'm the only one who notices that someone is about to open fire in a crowded place.  I'm in a panic because I know what's about to happen.  How do I warn people without bringing attention to myself?  How can I save everyone?  Why isn't anyone else seeing what I'm seeing?  What should I do?

The details change.  Sometimes I'm in a bank, sometimes I'm in a school, Once I was at an outdoor sporting event.  What's always the same is that I can see something that no one else sees.  What's always the same is people don't listen to my warnings.

Dreams seem to carry powerful messages for me.   I've been trying to understand the messages of this particular dream for a long time.   The fact that it's so dramatic and intense makes it hard to think about.  The fact that it's recurring means that as hard as it is to look at it's imperative that I get the message. 

It's March 16, 2020.  We are in the middle of a global pandemic.  Everyone is understandably freaking out.  It's a dramatic and intense time, much like in my dream.   Some businesses have listened to the warnings and closed while others have not listened to the warnings.  Some people are taking the warning of social distancing seriously while others...have not.

Even in yoga-land,  people are understandably freaking out.   So many people I know were struggling financially before Covid19 and will now most certainly suffer even more.  How do we quarantine ourselves when so many of us depend on our social interactions for not only financial support but also mental and emotional support?   What should we do?

There's a moment in the dream where I think to myself, maybe I'm over-reacting.  Maybe it's not a mass shooting that's about to happen.   What will people think if I'm wrong?  If it was anything serious surely someone else would notice before me. 

But what if I'm not wrong?  What if I don't speak up and people die because I was too afraid to speak up?  Even if no one listens I have to at least do my part to warn people.  How could I live with myself if I stand by and do nothing?

The message of the dream is this.... 

*   be quiet

*   pay attention to your surroundings

*   speak up even if you're scared 

*   trust your gut

*   trust someone else's gut when they give you a warning that might seem strange or weird

*   be still 

*   use this time of quarantine for contemplation 

*   not everything needs to be a social gathering

*   get  back to basics

*   exam your values 

*   old ways of working and living are no longer an option ... look for another way 

*   look out for one another; share your resources

*   take only what you need 

*  respect Mother Nature or suffer the consequences, the choice is yours

The Goddess, Durga is the great warrior Goddess of Protection.   When your mind begins to run out of control during these dramatic and intense times call on her.  Since your mind is going to obsess anyway give it something good to obsess over. When you don't know what to do repeat her mantra:  Om Hreem Shreem Dum Durgaya Namaha.

My heart hurts today

My heart hurts today.  

Another revered teacher exposed.  He wasn't my teacher but it still hurts.   Another story on the news.  Hindus killing Muslims in the name of religion.  I'm not a Hindu or a Muslim but it still hurts.  More people being used and abused.  It's not me this time, but it still hurts.   My heart hurts today and I don't know what to do about it.  

Yoga has always been my saving Grace.  The spiritual practice of yoga has literally pulled me out of a darkness that I never thought I could come back from.  Yoga is where I learned who I truly am.  

But today.....I'm questioning. 

Today....my heart hurts. 

Sadly, I wasn't surprised to hear about another teacher who has "fallen from Grace".   He isn't the first and he certainly won't be the last.  Truthfully,  I feel like it's good for things like this to be exposed.  

I'm grateful to the students who are finally saying enough is enough.  I acknowledge the strength and bravery it took for them to come forward.  

What did surprise me is the story on NPR this morning. There's fighting in India between the Hindus and Muslims in the name of religion.  For years I've been telling people that what appeals to me about the Hindu religion is that you are free to worship God in whatever way you see fit.  Yoga has taught me that having a personal relationship with God is what is most important.  BOY! DO I HAVE EGG ON MY FACE!  I clearly don't know anything about the Hindu religion.   Nor do I know anything about the Muslim religion.  What I do know is that when I heard the gut wrenching cries of the Muslim woman upon hearing the news that her son was killed my heart broke into a million pieces.  What I do know is a Mother's love... and pain. 

Today... I'm questioning....What about Ahimsa?

Ahimsa:  A Hindu spiritual doctrine that literally means respect for all living things and avoidance of violence toward others. Read that again... Respect for all livings things and avoidance of violence towards others. 

The other day I was talking to a fellow yoga teacher.  She was understandably upset over the stories that are coming out about her teacher.  It's heartbreaking to learn that someone you love and respected isn't who you thought they were.  This teacher who did these horrible things to people is also the teacher who taught so many students the powerful practices of yoga.  The same teacher who destroyed people's lives is also the same teacher who saved people's lives through the sacred teachings of yoga.   

This is the same struggle I've had with the Catholic church.  When I learned about the priests who did horrible things to the children I was heartbroken.  When I learned about how systemic and insidious the abuse is I was physically sick to my stomach.  I vowed to never step foot in a Catholic church again as long as I live.  But the same church that destroyed so many lives is also the same church that has saved so many other lives. 

Like my friend, Ananda, I don't want to stop practicing yoga any more than I want to stop praying the Rosary.  How do I continue to share the teachings of yoga when so much of it has been tainted by violence?  How can I continue to share my love for the Blessed Mother and the Rosary when so much of the Catholic religion has been tainted by violence?   Where do I go from here? 

For starters,  it's time to let go of the labels which separate us.  It's time to let go of the religions that make enemies of our neighbors.  It's time to let go of greed. It's time to let go of the desire for power over others.  It's time to let go of the veils that prevent us from seeing the truth.  

I cannot control the actions of others but I can control my actions.  I will choose love over hate.   I will stand up and protect those who aren't able to protect themselves.  I will not turn a blind eye to abuse.  Above all, I am committed to upholding the fundamental doctrine of Ahimsa. 

The spiritual practice of Yoga has always been a safe space for me.  I intent to do everything in my power to make sure that it continues to be a safe space for myself and for the students who choose to practice with me.