"release us from the bondage and sufferings of the mind....."

Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra

Om tryambakam Yajamahe

sugandhim pushti vardhanam

urva rukam iva bandhanan

mrityor mokshiya mamrutat swaha

We bow to the all pervading creative force - Shiva, absorbed in bliss, full of fragrance, the source of all nourishment.  As a fruit when it ripens separates easily from the vine, please release us from the bondage and sufferings of the mind and let us experience our eternal, blissful nature.

This was the mantra that came to mind during this morning's sadhana.  "Now is the time" is what I sensed at the end of meditation.  The fruit has ripened.  Can't avoid it any longer. 

Before Christmas I signed up for a distance learning course.  Dr. Frawley's "Yoga and Ayurveda".  I've wanted to take this course for the two years.  The package arrived the first week of December.   I was so excited to see that box.  I bought all the reference books. I bought new a notebook.  I couldn't wait to start!

I sat down and started reading right away.  Then it began...... the self-doubt.  The little voice telling me I'm not smart enough, I don't have enough discipline to get through the course.  I don't have enough back-ground in Ayurveda.  The list of reasons why I can't do it goes on and on.   "Well I was busy with Christmas"  I tell myself.  The truth?  I was scared.  Scared to fail at something that means so much to me.  It was easier to avoid it and pretend that I was too busy  to study then to work hard and fail. 

How many things do you avoid because of this fear of failure?  If you're like me - lots of things.  What if you do try something and you fail.  What happens?  Does the sky fall?  Will the sun stop shining?  I don't think so.   It's the ego that fears failure.  Isn't the object of this game called "reaching enlightenment" to transcend the ego anyway?  I think it is.  What if I only learn half of the material?  Is that a failure? I guess it depends on your perspective.  If I learn only half the material I will have learned more than if I didn't take the course at all.  That doesn't sound like a failure when I think of it that way.

Besides, what is the motivation behind taking this course?  Is it to impress others or is it to learn the material?

(okay, I admit it - it's a bit of both) But never the less, the object is to learn and grow.  The only way to do that is to try my best.  We only  get out of life what we put into it. 

This week-end I was reminded of Betheyla. At the beginning of a workshop that she taught - on the subject of Yoga and Ayurveda - she told the class not to try to write down every word she said. She asked us to pay attention and listen and not try so hard to remember everything. "Just take one or two things that resonate and put those ideas into practice" was her advise.

Thank you Betheyla, that's exactly how I'm going to approach this course.  I'm going to read it, absorb it and apply what resonates with me in my life and teaching. 

The little voice of self-doubt is always there for me.  Sometimes the voice is louder than at other times. I need to remember that listening to it is optional.  In the words of my teacher  "I can choose to stay stuck in fear or step forward in faith".   The choice is mine.  Today I choose faith. 

Om tryambakam yajamahe, sugandhim pushti vardhanam, urva rukam iva bandhanan, mrityor mokshiya mamrutat swaha......