My guru, Jake

This is Spider man.... Not really... It's my boy, Jake.  For  two full years he wore this spider man costume everywhere.  Even when he had clearly outgrown it he would still squeeze himself into it.  Even when it was 108 degrees outside in the middle of July he would still wear it. 

 The people in the grocery store would get a kick out him.  Some would joke with him, others would just smile, remembering perhaps their own little ones.  There were some that shook their heads at me for allowing him to go out in the Halloween costume in the middle of July.   He's my third child so I was way more relaxed about things. I learned to choose my battles.  I also learned that natural consequence was the best teacher.

 One day, he simply stopped wearing the costume.  I didn't have to sit him down and explain to him that his attachment to being Spider man was unhealthy or that he was growing up and it was no longer appropriate.  The phase came to its natural end and he moved on to the next phase.

The costumes we wear as adults are the labels we put on ourselves and others.  I'm discovering that sometimes we outgrow the labels but we still squeeze ourselves into them.  We identify completely with the roles we have chosen to play long after the story has come to an end.  It seems to me that the trouble comes when we are 43 and still trying to wear the size 3T Spider man costume.   Why does there need to be a struggle or an intervention when we have outgrown the costume? Why is it so traumatic for us to take off the labels that no longer serve us?  My guess is that its traumatic because we have forgotten that its only a costume and not really who we are. 

In the grown up world we all put on costumes from time to time.  I wear an insurance agent costume from 8:00am - 4:30pm.  Then I change into my super mom costume.  Sometime I wear my yoga teacher costume.  As long as we are aware that each label or costume we wear serves a purpose and does not define who we are then put on the costume and go about the business of life.

Our children are our greatest teachers.  Jake suffered no trauma when he outgrew the Spider man costume.  When the time had come for him to take it off he simply took it off.  Life is fluid.  When we move through life fluidly there is less trauma.  When we recognize that the labels we put on ourselves and roles we choose to  play do not define us, there is less trauma when the labels and roles change.  Every night when I look at the moon I remind myself.... The moon doesn't go through trauma as it waxes and wanes. Why should I fall apart as my life waxes and wanes?

 I loved the baby yogi phase! 

Practice mediation, Stop all vain talk, keep repeating the ancient mantram, Om until it reverberates in your heart.....   OM Shanti OM!

My Daughter the yogi

Photo credit to Tayler Nicholson

It's official, my dear Tayler, you are a yogi. The fact that you are aware that "it's the thoughts that kill you" means that you are advanced in the study of yoga. In the language of the Upanishads..."It is the mind that frees us or enslaves". You are on your way to true freedom dear daughter.

I wouldn't dream of interfering with your journey to self-realization. I know that each journey is unique and beautiful; filled with just enough twists and turns to keep it exciting. I am your mother, though, and I do want to share some pearls of wisdom that may help you along your way. I have found these words to be beacons of light for me when I was lost in the dark.


* It is the nature of the mind to think. So give it something good to think about.

* That which you put your attention on grows stronger in your life. Choose wisely.

* Our greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. Choose the higher thought.

* Change your thoughts, you change your life.

* You are not your thoughts.

* Yoga/Meditation is stilling the fluctuations of the mind.


"It is the mind that frees us or enslaves. Driven by the senses we become bound; Master of the senses we become free. Those who seek freedom must master their senses.

When the mind is detached from the senses one reaches the summit of consciousness. Mastery of the mind leads to wisdom. Practice meditation. Stop all vain talk. The highest state is beyond reach of thought, for it lies beyond all duality.

Keep repeating the ancient mantram OM until it reverberates in your heart." ~Amritabindu Upanishad

It's still love

This may come as a surprise to you but I tend to obsess about things. What I obsess most about are my children. I worry constantly about every decision I make and how it's affecting them. Am I doing enough for them? Am I doing too much? Should I baby them more or should I make them more independent. I sometimes listen to other moms talking and I worry because I don't do the things they do for their kids. My kids are pretty independent. Most times I feel good about that. Until I start to worry that they are going to grow up feeling like I didn't take care of them enough. My friend, YogaLu, told me once that I shouldn't worry so much because everyone ends up in therapy anyway and I'm just giving them more to talk about. That just made me worry about what their future therapist is going to think of me.

My boy is mad at me. He thinks I don't love him because I won't give him McDonald's for dinner. I tell him that it's because I do love him that I don't feed him fast food. He tells me I don't love him because I won't buy him another pair of KD sneakers. I tell him that it's because I love him that I want him to learn to appreciate that he has all that he needs. He tells me that I'm mean and don't love him because I insist that he take a shower or at least wash his face and hands. I tell him that it's because I love him that I want him to have clean hands when he's eating. (I'll pretend not to notice that he's eating with his hands as long as they are clean.)

When they are sick or sad and I pull them onto my lap to hug and kiss them they know I love them. When I scold them for running into the street, or not doing their school work, or being mean to their siblings they don't recognize that it's love too. When I have to say no to them they don't see the pain in my own heart caused by the disappointment on their faces. It's still love. Nothing in the world hurts more than when my children are mad at me. I would die for them without a moments hesitation and when they tell me that I don't love them my heart aches. It's still love.

Since my days in Catholic school I have always held the image of the Divine Mother as being soft, loving, kind and supportive. That's love. Last week we went to see some new puppies. Their mother was freaking out. Barking and growling and ready to chase us out the door. She was fiercely protecting her babies. It's still love.

Our Divine Mother provides us with exactly what we need. Sometimes it comes in the soft flow of her Grace that embraces us when we are feeling lost or scared. Other times it comes in the form of a Divine smack-down when we are making choices that move us further away from Her. It's still love.

When we are experiencing life as harsh and unloving I do believe it's love too. It's the love of the Divine Mother asking us to look at how we are not loving ourselves and others. Sometimes children need the loving embrace and sweet kisses of their mother. Other times they need the "wooden spoon". (my Italian family and friends will get this reference) It's still love.

I love my children to the moon and back that's why sometimes they don't like me. It's still love. The Divine Mother loves us to the moon and back that's why sometimes I don't get what I want. It's still love.

Renewal of Self

I posed this question on Facebook last week: "What does feminine power mean to you?" I loved all your comments. Each one was so insightful and thoughtful. I'd like to explore one idea in particular that resonated so deeply with me. A woman's power comes
from her ability to choose collaboration vs competition.

Collaboration is the reason why I felt so passionately about holding the New Moon Gatherings. Collaboration is where the real power lies. Collaboration is the energy I associate with the Goddess, Durga. For those of you who haven't heard my interpretation of the Durga story let me share it with you. (Disclaimer: this is not a scholarly interpretation, simply my amateur attempt)

So the story goes... There was an evil demon that was terrorizing the 3 worlds. All the Gods tried to defeat the demon but they all failed. All the Gods came together for what I imagine to be like a superhero conference to try to come up with a solution to the problem of this evil demon. They meditated together and from this place of deep meditation they decided to each offer up their own individual, unique "superpower" into the fire. Out of this culmination manifested Durga. She was easily able to defeat the demon. The real power came from the collaboration of all the Gods.

If the Gods are willing to collaborate why aren't we?

Imagine the power that could be generated if we all put aside our ego and offered our own individual, unique talents, aka: superpowers into the fire. Together, all of us, working for the greater good. Collaboration is only possible when each person works together towards the same goal. If there is even the slightest bit of competition, collaboration is impossible. Are you willing to put aside your ego for the greater good? If not, what's holding your back?

If you're up for the challenge let's hold our own "superhero conference". Let's join our energy together in sadhana (spiritual practice). There's no doubt that the power of group practice is strong enough to elevate the vibration of this entire planet. The evil demon we are all fighting is the ego. I've been told this is the time for the "Renewal of Self". It's time for us all to come back to the Self. The way back to the Self is through meditation. In the Self we connect to the source of infinite power.

Here's the challenge if you wish to contribute your energy:

The bhavana (intention) Renewal of the Self
The practice: 6 rounds of Surya Namaskar - The Sun burns away all that is not our true self
6 rounds of Chandra Namaskar - The moon washes away the ashes, leaving behind only what is real
Mantra: 108X - Om Namaha Shivaya - Shiva being the God of destruction. Destruction in that it is destroying everything that stands in the way of us seeing what is real. It is a mantra for transformation. Are you ready?

40 day sadhana begins tomorrow. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I hope you will not only join me in sadhana but also that you will collaborate by sharing your thoughts and experience with all of us by leaving a comment.

Hari Om!!

Wanna play the upside down game?

I've been making a conscientious effort to turn life upside down whenever possible. Testing out the theory that there's always another perspective. It hasn't been easy at times but it's proven to be quite an interesting experiment. I wanted to share some of my insights in the hope that you may be inspired to participate in the experiment yourself.

The pity party for me was in full swing before I remembered the experiment. Several sleepless nights were spent tossing and turning feeling frustrated and angry. Thankfully this morning I remembered.

My car is having mechanical troubles and can't be driven causing such annoying inconveniences. Not having the money to make the repairs is even more frustrating.
Turning it upside down: I'm grateful that I am able to use Tayler's car and grateful that her boyfriend can give her a ride back and forth to school.

Our area has been hit really hard with record high snow accumulation. I was complaining that it's only the first week of February and I've already had to use several vacation days.
Turning it upside down: I'm grateful that I have vacation days. The part-time workers in our company don't get vacation days and they have lost several days pay because of the bad weather.

The snow/ice storm this week knocked out our power for 2 days. That means no Facebook, no candy crush, no Instagram, no TV and no video games. Oh... and no cooking (I hate my electric stove!)
Turning it upside down: This upside down moment came from Jake. He didn't mind the power outage because it meant more family time without distractions. I love that kid!

The power outage also meant no heat. With the temperatures in the teens we eventually ended up camping out at grandma's house. I felt bad that she was cooking for us and cleaning up after us and then had to go to work the night shift. I felt bad that the living room was turning into a slumber party and I hi-jacked my nephew’s bed.
Turning it upside down: Seeing the people on the news who had to go to emergency shelters because they didn’t have any place to go made me realize how lucky we are to have family to take us in.

When we finally came home we found that the storm caused a huge branch of our tree to break landing on our shed. The shed is destroyed. The backyard is a mess. The pool has a super thick layer of ice on it.
Turning it upside down: The fact that we have a shed means that we have an abundance of stuff. It’s hard to feel a sense of lack when you realize that some people don’t have anything and we have so much. We can not only fill our home but also a shed with all our stuff. Clearly the universe is telling us it’s time to cut down on the excess.

This upside down game is helping me see the many blessings in my life. Look at that.... There really is another perspective to everything!!

Do you see the value?

While teaching a class last week-end one of the students expressed that she felt what we were doing seemed very superficial. I considered what she said and suggested that the external process of learning to observe can be internalized so that we can begin to observe ourselves. The observation process is so very important. The problem comes when the observations become judgments and criticism. The learning comes when the observation process is internalized so that we can begin to observe our own patterns and beliefs. The progress is made when we can observe our internal process and make changes where changes are needed. The hard part is staying neutral and non-judgmental.

This exchange with the student was more a lesson for me than her. She already knows that what's happening externally is very superficial. I was the one who needed the reminder. "It's not about the external posture; yoga is about how you FEEL in the posture." How often have I said this in class? Still I forget that the same is true off the mat.

I am starting to see that the external circumstances that have been troubling me are superficial. The emotional clouds are starting to lift and I can see that the acts of others speak more to their character and have nothing at all to do with me. Shifting the focus from observing the "actions" of others to observing how I react to a perceived in-justice against me is the yoga practice.

As I observe my internal pattern I see that my natural tendency is to revisit all the times in the past where people have hurt me. I reinforce this false belief that I can’t trust people; People suck! Is that belief true? Is that belief helpful? Is there any value in that belief? NO.

The intention seed that I planted during the last new moon was that when I discovered this negative pattern of thinking I would turn it upside down. I would shift my focus to what I do value and what brings me joy. Shifting the focus away from what other people are “doing to me” to what is it that I want to offer freely. What can I do to empower and support myself and others?

The other important lesson I learned from my experience this past week-end was that the things I value are my own “intentional self disciplines”. The trouble comes when I expect others to value the same things I value. Truth, integrity, self-less service, and respect are things that I value. These are the offerings of my heart. As long as I can lay my head down on my pillow at night secure in the knowledge that I have done my best to live by my own intentional self disciplines then I can sleep soundly. My mission is to lead by example not force.

Remember not to internalize the actions of others. Simply observe your own reactions and thought patterns without judgment and trace them back to the belief pattern. Then ask yourself… Is there any value in that belief?
If not, move on…… Om Namaha Shivaya!

All dogs go to Heaven

Our family had to say good-bye to this sweet little face and our hearts are broken. As bad as he was he completely stole my heart from day one. I loved him like a child... A problem child. The last two days without have felt like a part of me is missing. I'm sad beyond measure but I don't have any sappy dog stories to share. You see, Pumpkin was no ordinary dog. As I mentioned, he was a problem child. Look at that face!! God made him especially cute so that we didn't kill him!! Although there were moments when I was ready to.

Many of you have heard my "Pumpkin tales". To the amusement of my family and friends I have shared the stories of Pumpkin busting out of the wrought iron crate and breaking his nails in the process. Yes, everyone thought it was hilarious except for me. I was cleaning up the laundry room that looked like a murder scene from CSI.

At one of the kids birthday parties Pumpkin jumped onto the window sill and was digging in my plants. Little did I know what he's plan really was. You see, while I was cleaning up the mess on the window sill, Pumpkin was helping himself to the party food! Yup there he was standing in the middle of the dining room table eating the party food!!

Thanks to Pumpkin I learned a lot of very important skills. I became an expert at re-screening the windows and the screen doors, hanging blinds, re-stuffing sofa cushions, sewing pillows, stuffed animals and an occasional sofa. Although I never did master the art of dog catching. That was Tayler's job. She was the only one who could catch him when he was on the hunt for some pesky squirrel. Tayler was also the best dog groomer ever.

Some things were beyond repair. The front door, the mattress, several sofas and recliners, countless pacifies. Oh Yeah, and Fran's pocketbook. Fran was babysitting so I could go to yoga. Well... That was the most expensive yoga class I ever took...I had to replace her expensive pocketbook!

Pumpkin was a kid at heart. He LOVED the gigantic stuffed animal grand mom brought over. He thought it was for him. He quickly squeezed it behind the sofa (his favorite hiding spot) OH HOW HE LOVED THAT THING!! OH THE MESS HE MADE!! Do you know what's inside those huge stuffed animals from the carnivals?? I do.... a billion little tiny Styrofoam beads. Did I mention how hard it is to vacuum them up?? Static cling was not my friend that day!

Do you know what happens when a 35 lb Beagles eats a 5lb pot roast? Well aside from getting chased with a broom by grand mom he gets really sick... Really sick. Can I tell you how much fun that night was??? Did I mention how I met my new neighbors?? The introduction went something like this "Hi, I'm your new neighbor. I just moved in down the street. I'm really sorry my dog ran into your house when you opened your door. I'll pay to have your carpet cleaned." How's that for a first impression?

Whether he was peeing on the Christmas tree or stealing dirty diapers I still loved my problem child!! The sadness will fade with time I'm told but Pumpkin will be missed forever. He loved us as much as we loved him. The last few months I would find him sleeping on our pile of dirty laundry. I think it helped he feel close to us when we weren't home. I should have kept his stinky bed so I could feel close to him.

There will never be another bad dog as sweet as Pumpkin again. I hope heaven doesn't have any blinds or the angels better get a home depot credit card!! God knows Pumpkin loves chewing blinds better than any chew toy ever invented!!

Oh... Did I tell you about the time Pumpkin and I got kicked out of obedience training???